I finally got someone to be my valentine!

I wish I could post this in any other sub.

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Superman has been trying to get wonder woman to sleep with him for years

But no matter how hard he tries, she just won't pay attention to him.

One day he's flying around and sees wonder woman laying on her back, in an open field, no underwear or pants on for the whole world to see. Confused, superman flies overhead and scans the area, but doesn't see another soul for miles around.

"I wonder what she's doing all the way out here by herself laying naked in a field?"

But then superman had a dark thought

"I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could swoop down, have sex with her, and be gone by the time she realizes what's happening"

So there wonder woman is laying in the field and she hears a loud CRACK and a sudden blur appears in front of her, vanishing as quickly as it came.

"What was that?" she says

"I don't know," the invisible man says, "but my ass sure hurts"

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What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Snowflakes.

Credit: my friend's 3-year-old made this up. I'll pass on any karma to his college fund.

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I bought my friend an elephant for his room

He said, "Thank you"

I said, "Don't mention it"

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Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon.

When nobody laughed he would follow with, "Ah well. I guess you had to be there."

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I like my woman like I like my Laptop

On my lap , turned on ,Virus free

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How many times do redditors laugh at a joke?

Twice: once when they read it, once when they post it.

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