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Chủ Nhật, 18 tháng 2, 2018

There were three POWs together in a British prison in the Second World War, a German, a Japanese, and an Italian.

The British began by torturing the German. After long hours of silence infected by bloodcurdling screams, he talked, and was sent back to the prison, ashamed. He told the others what he had done and urged them to be stronger than he was.

They next began torturing the Japanese man. Through all the pain and agony, he stayed strong for three days, but in the end, talked. He was sent back to the prison, having brought shame to himself, his family, and his country.

They finally sent in the Italian. For an unending three weeks, they tortured him, until they realized if they did anything else to the poor man, he would die, so they sent him back. When he got back to the prison cell bloody and battered, the other POWs asked him, "So? Did you talk?"

"How could I talk with my hands tied behind my back?"

Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court

The judge looks at the papers and says to Mickey,

"So it says here that you are filing for divorce on the grounds that your wife is mentally insane. Is that true?"

"I didn't say she was insane!" exclaims Mickey, "I said she was fucking Goofy!"

When Jane first met Tarzan in the jungle, she was instantly attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him if he had ever had sex. "Tarzan not know sex." he replied.

Jane explained to him what it was.

Tarzan said, "Ohhh...Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, Jane said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing and lay down on the ground.

"Here." she said, pointing to her privates. "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her right in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually, she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?!"

Tarzan replied, "Check for squirrel."

Orion’s Belt is a big waist of space!

Terrible joke.

Only three stars.

A woman introduces her boyfriend to her parents.

A woman has her boyfriend meet her parents.

The father of the woman and the boyfriend then have a discussion at a Catholic Bible Study:

Father: “What do you do for a living?”

Boyfriend: “I am a Biblical Scholar.”

Father: “A Biblical scholar, huh? How will you provide for my daughter?”

Boyfriend: “God will provide for us.”

Father: “How will you afford the shiny, diamond ring my daughter deserves?”

Boyfriend: “God will provide for us.”

Father: “How will you provide a nice, safe home for my daughter and future grandchildren?”

Boyfriend: “God will provide for us.”

Later that night, the mother asks the father, “How was your time with our future son-in-law?”

The father responds: “He has no plans, doesn’t have a job, and he thinks I’m God.”

A robber broke into my house last night looking for money

So I woke up to look with him.

"Say NO to drugs" they say...

I mean, if you're talking to drugs then it's already too late to say NO.