Guaranteed reposts.
Thứ Sáu, 23 tháng 2, 2018
A guy with a gun enters a bar.
"Who the fuck had sex with my wife?" He snarled.
A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets mate!"
A villager had a small penis and hated it...
One day, he decided he's had enough of his pitiful manhood and goes to see the village elder.
The elder referred him to a shaman living in the center of a village, so he went to see the shaman. When he got there, he told the shaman about his small penis.
The shaman nodded his head, and pulled out a box. In the box was a small bottle with a green liquid inside. "Will that increase my penis size?" the villager asked.
"All you must do is take drop of medicine before sex, and say 1, 2, 3. Then your penis triple in size, and you can have sex as long as you like."
The villager is awed, and is about to pay the shaman when he asked, "How do I get the medicine to stop working?"
The shaman says, "Ah, your partner need to say 1, 2, 3, 4, but when she does, medicine will not work until next full moon." The villager agreed, paid the shaman, and trotted off to his home.
That night, the villager took a drop of medicine as instructed by the shaman, and led his wife to their bed. He threw her on the bed, took off his clothes, and shouted "1, 2, 3,!"
His penis tripled in size, and his wife got very excited. She took off her clothes, and prepared for him to put it in when she asked, "What was the 1, 2, 3 for?"
And that, my friends, is why we never end a sentence with a dangling participle.
A woman marries a man and has 10 children. The man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children. The next man dies, so the woman remarries again and has ten more children. That man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children...
The husband dies again and finally the woman dies as well.
At the funeral, the priest mutters, "Thank God! They’re finally together!"
A man at the funeral asks another man on his left, “Which husband do you think he means? The first, second, or third?”
The man on his left says, “I think he means her legs.”
A woman is sitting beside a businessman on an airplane...
The businessman is quite bored, so he tries to get the woman to play a game with him. "Let's play a game. We take turns asking questions. If I can't answer one of yours, I'll pay you 5 bucks, but if you can't answer one of mine, then you'll give me 5 bucks."
The woman ignores him and tries to sleep.
"Okay, how about if I lose I give you 100 dollars, and you only give me 5."
Again, the woman declines.
"Okay, okay, how about I give you 1000 dollars if I lose?"
The woman, finally had enough, agrees. The businessman goes first."What's the circumference of the sun?"
The woman doesn't know and pays him 5 dollars. Then she asks the businessman "What has 6 legs, goes up a hill with 10 legs, and comes down with 5 legs?"
The businessman realizes he has no clue of the answer, and he would have to pay up. He searches it up on google, asks everyone on the plane, and calls all his friends, but no one knew the answer. At last, he reluctantly pays the woman 1000 dollars. The woman, satisfied, goes back to sleep.
The businessman taps her shoulder. "I have one last question. What was the answer?"
The woman sighs and takes out 5 dollars.
Two Texas farmers, Jim and Joe, are at a bar...
Jim says, “You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow, I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes."
The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Jim says. "What's that?"
The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"
"Yeah."
"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I presume you have a yard."
"That's true, I do have a yard."
"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think that logically speaking, you have a house."
"Yes, I do have a house."
"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."
"Yes, I have a family."
"So, because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a straight man."
"I am straight. That's amazing! You were able to find out all of that just because I have a weed eater."
Excited to take the class, Jim shakes the dean's hand and leaves to go meet Joe at the bar. He tells Joe about his classes, and how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
"Logic?" Joe says, "What's that?"
"I'll give you an example," says Jim. "Do you own a weed eater?"
"No."
"You a faggot, Joe?”
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)