Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up

Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That’s right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

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Whats blue and doesn't weigh much?

Light blue.

Whats green and doesn't weigh much?

Light green.

Whats pink and doesn't weigh much?

Light pink

Whats black and doesn't weigh much?

African children.

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A little girl walks into a pet shop

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper bends down to her level, smiling, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby, or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl leans forward and whispers, "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

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Two wives ho out for girls' night.

Both got drunk, started walking home and had to go to the bathroom. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her panties and the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. The next morning, one husband calls the other and says

"No more girls' night out. My wife came back with no panties."

"You think you have it bad?" says the other, "Mine came back with a card stuck in her crack that read 'from all of us at the fire station... we will never forget you."

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My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex

Just this morning she asked me "Is that the best you can do?"

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Jokes on reddit are like US presidents.

You might see a new one every four years or so.

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A father and his son were watching TV together

When a sex scene came on. "well son, time for bed" the father says. "but dad, I'm 15 now!" the son complains. The father replies "I don't care how old you are son, you're not watching me masturbate"

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