During an orgasm, semen exits the penis at 28MPH, proving a nut is faster than a Bolt.
Chủ Nhật, 8 tháng 4, 2018
A Man Runs Out of Cigarettes
After an uneventful dinner with his wife, a man realizes he's out of cigarettes and decides to stop at his local bar for a pack. The bartender says they just started selling a new micro brew and offers him one on the house, so he decides to stay for one drink.
When he's just about finished a beautiful blonde enters the bar and sits down next to him. They strike up a conversation over another round of drinks and she becomes progressively friendlier as the night goes on. One thing leads to another and she ends up inviting him back to her apartment.
Back at her place they end up sharing a kiss, which escalates and leads them back to her bedroom for several hours of carnal engagement. Next thing he knows, it's 4 in the morning. Jumping out of bed he asks the blonde if she has any baby powder, and she says to check the bathroom cabinet. He finds the baby powder, dusts his hands, and races home like a bat out of hell, only to find his wife waiting for him in the driveway with a rolling pin.
"You better have one hell of an explanation!" she screams.
"Well, you see honey," the man stammers, "I went to the pub for cigarettes, but Jake offered me a beer. As I was about to leave this beautiful blonde walked in and we got to talking and drinking and she invited me back to her place..."
"Wait a minute," snapped his wife. "Show me your hands," she said suspiciously, noticing the whiteness of his fingers.
Turning on him furiously, she says, "Don't you ever try lying to me again, you rotten bastard... you've been out BOWLING again!"
A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house.
Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
Thứ Bảy, 7 tháng 4, 2018
One day, 3 men died and went to heaven
"Religion?" God's secretary asked the first man. "Jewish," the man replied. "Okay, go to room 23, but be very quiet when you go past room 8," the secretary said. "Religion?" he asked the second man. "Muslim." "Go to room 10, but be very quiet when you go past room 8." "Religion?" he asked the third man. "Agnostic." "Go to room 71, but be very quiet when you go past room 8." "Why must I be quiet when I go past room 8?" the man asked. The secretary replied, "Oh, the Catholics are in room 8, and they think that they are they only ones here."
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