But I guess everyone's aiming at a younger crowd.
Chủ Nhật, 15 tháng 4, 2018
A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.
He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.
"Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.
"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.
"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed.
"No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.
"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.
"No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Eso sí que es!"
"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.
Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un are discussing their countries, and decide to have a contest to see whose soldiers are more obedient.
They are in a hotel at the top of a mountain near a cliff.
Vladimir Putin instructs a soldier to run and jump off the cliff. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!" Putin lets him go.
Kim Jong Un instructs a soldier to jump. The soldier runs to jump off the cliff. Putin grabs him before he can, telling him not to jump. The soldier says "Please Putin, I have a wife and children!"
A family had invited the daughter's boyfriend to dinner for the first time
While preparing the dinner, they begin discussing who will do the dishes afterwards.
"It's my salary you're living on, I do not want to do the dishes," says the father in the family.
"I did it last monday," said the girl.
And mom replied, "I'm the one who cooks the food!"
It's quiet in the kitchen for a while, until mom gets an idea: "I know how we'll do. The first one to talk does the dishes"
A quarter passes in absolute silence before hearing the daughter's boyfriend arrive on his bicycle. He has an old bike that makes a squeaking noise every time he hits the pedal. When he arrives, he parks his bike and walks in.
"Good evening!" The boyfriend's greetings are met with total silence. A little surprised, he sits next to the girl at the table. The father goes out to the kitchen, fetches the soup and serves it under silence.
"Great soup." Says the boyfriend. No answer.
Whatever he says during the meal there is no one who answers. At this point, the boyfriend begins to panic and decides to do something drastically to get the family's attention. "Oops!" He says loudly and puts his hand on the girl's thighs. No reaction.
He touches her breasts. Still no reaction.
This is insane. "What should I do?" Thought the boyfriend. He then decides to have sex with his girlfriend in front of her parents. He bends her over the table and lifts her skirt up and starts having sex.
When he is done, the girl sits down quietly and continues to eat without saying a word.
"I can't believe this. You are a bunch of fools! At least say that I have to marry her!" Screams the boyfriend desperately. He storms out of the house and walks away. While his bike still makes that awful squeaking sound.
Couic, couic, couic.
"This is crazy!" He says to himself.
Couic, couic.
"I had sex with their daughter on the table and they said nothing!"
Couic, couic.
"I probably could've had sex with the mother too, they would not have said anything either!"
Couic, couic.
He turns around and walks back. He opens the door, walks up to the mother, bends her over the table, lifts her dress up and has sex with her. When he's finished, he's thanking and leaving. Still met by a wall of silence.
Couic, couic.
"What a family." He says to himself.
Couic, couic.
"What a damn evening!"
Couic, couic, couic.
"AND THIS GODDAMN BIKE ISN'T MAKING THINGS BETTER!"
Couic, couic.
"I can't stand this anymore! I have to do something, this squeaking is driving me crazy!"
He returns to the family, opens the door and screams, "Do you have any lubricants?"
The dad gets up, "Alright alright! I'll do the damn dishes"
Thứ Bảy, 14 tháng 4, 2018
A humble farmer goes out to his mailbox, seeing that a letter has arrived.
"Dear Ronald J. Kse, This year we have chosen you to be the host of this year's harvest reap! All you need to do is provide your humble farm as the place of the party, and we will all provide. Thanks, your neighbors" Now, Ronald had really enjoyed last year's party, so he was delighted to be the host for this year. After a grand day of eating, drinking, and merrymaking, All of Ronald's neighbors left - without helping clean up. "That's fine, its just one party, and I've done the same other years" said Ron.
Fast forward the next year, Ron was looking forward to this year's harvest, and the celebration that would follow. After attending this year's anonymous vote, he gets another letter in the mail.
"Dear Mr. Kse, After the amazing time everyone had last year, the vote was decided again for you to be the host! We look forward to seeing you again, and thank you."
Ron sighs, but thinks "Yeah, last year's party was pretty great. I guess the cleanup wasn't too bad. No worries." Again, he gathered with his neighbors, and they feasted and drank themselves silly... but there were twice as many people this year. Friends, family, friends of family were all invited...
The cleanup was far worse this year. "But," Ron thought, "there's no way I'll get it three years in a row." Next year, Ron's sister was visiting, and went with him to check the mail. She handed him a very lavish envelope, garnished with golden filigree and laden with caligraphy.
She exclaimed "Wow! This is beautiful! It must be something very wonderful and important!"
"No... I've seen this before... It's another fucking reap host..." said R. Joe Kse
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