A pregnant woman is hit by a private car....!

She is sent into a coma for 2 years. She wakes up, no longer pregnant, screaming," Doctor! Doctor! Doctor! Where is my baby?!"

The doctor replies, "Calm down, Calm down, your babies are fine. You had twins! a girl and a boy. We gave them to your brother to watch while you were in the hospital."

She says,"My brother? That guy is a moron! Why would you do that?"

"I am sorry ma'am, we had no choice. There was nobody else. He even took the liberty of naming them."

"What??", she says. "What did he name my daughter?"

"He named her 'Denise' " says the doctor.

"Oh, well that's not so bad. What did he name my son?"

To which the doctor replies, "He named him 'Denephew' "

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The Ending Of Celtics/Bucks Game 1 Was Nuts

The Ending Of Celtics/Bucks Game 1 Was Nuts
March Madness is over, but the basketball action is just heating up.

April 16, 2018 at 03:48AM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2JLKpAc

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A man decides to go a whore house..

But to his surprise a nun open a door. He tries to apologise, trying to come up with an excuse. The nun, seeing right through him says : 'This is the right place. If you want to get fucked by the Sisters of Eternal Bliss, you have come to the right place'. The man walk in, a bit surprised and also a bit skeptical . As the nun leads him through an extravagant corridor, she goes on to explain the working of the establishment. She shows him a door and explains that each door leads to a room and another. 'Every room has a nun who will pleasure you in one way in increasing order of pleasure'. She warns him, however, that these services don't come cheap but he is free to stop after any room and leave if it was expensive or if he can't handle it. This was an unusual way to do things, the man thought, but out of sheer curiosity he decided to pay 5$ and entered the first room.

As soon as he entered the first room, a nun waiting for him started to disrobe. She was the prettiest woman he had ever seen. But as he approached her, she stopped him. 'Only looking, if you want to more, you will have to the next room...that will be 50$'. That was asking a lot, the man thought, but if the next is even half as pretty as this nun, it would be worth it. He pays and enters the next room.

As soon as he entered the room, a nun waiting for him started to disrobe. To his amazement, she is even more stunning with a perfect body. He touches her and fondles her breast to his hearts content, but when he starts to undress, she stops him saying : 'Only touching, if you want to more, you will have to the next room...that will be 500$'. At this point, the man is all fired up and pays without hesitation.

As soon as he entered the room, a nun waiting for him started to disrobe. He couldn't believe that was possible, but the woman was even more beautiful than the previous. She walks up to him, put her arms around his shoulder and give him the most sensual kiss he has ever had. She then tells him 'Only kissing, if you want to more, you will have to the next room...that will be 5000$' The man remembered the advice he got not too long ago. 5000$ was a lot, but his xperience so far was unlike anything he ever experienced. He pays and enters the third room.

He expected to see a nun, except to his utter dismay he was outside back on the street. Confused and bewildered he turns around to try and renter, only to find a note stuck on the door :

"CONGRATULATIONS! YOU JUST GOT FUCKED BY THE SISTERS OF ETERNAL BILSS"

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, " ;because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic.

They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?

Even though the others do all the work... The ass hole is usually in charge.

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Having gay parents must be horrible

You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"

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A quantum particle walks into two bars.

In one, he has a few drinks, becomes the life of the party, gets lucky and has a splendid time.

In the other he drinks too much, picks a fight with the wrong company and ends up beaten to half of his life.

The next day, he happens to meet an old buddy. After some very small talk, his friend asks

" hey, so what did you do last night?"

the particle, bruised and beaten shouts "DAMN IT MAN did you have to ask!!"

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A farmer is in court, suing the trucking company whose truck injured him in an accident

He is on the stand, and the company's lawyer is questioning him, trying to disprove the merit of his claim. "Mister Brown," the lawyer says, "did you not tell the responding officer, after the crash, that you were -and I quote- fine?" "Well," says the farmer, "you see, I was driving my mule to town..." "Sir, please answer the question. Did you or did you not say you were fine?" "Well now, you have to understand, I was driving my mule..." "Sir! Stop avoiding the question. Remember, you are under oath! Did you not tell the officer you were fine?" The farmer turn to the judge and says, "Your honor, I am trying to answer the nice man's question, but he wont let me." The judge says "I'll allow it, but it better be relevant." The farmer thanks him and begin, "Well, you see, I was driving my truck to town, with my trailer hitched to the back and my mule in the trailer. As we cross an intersection, this big truck blows past the stop sign and smashes into us. The truck splits in two, I'm thrown into one ditch on the side of the road, the mule is thrown into the other, and the truck just keeps going." "Now I'm in bad shape. My arm is broke, my leg is broke, half my ribs are broke. But my mule is in worse shape, from what I can hear. She's screaming and thrashing and making a pitiful racket." "I hear tires come to a stop on the gravel, a door close and footsteps crunching across the road to the other ditch. I hear the mule screaming for a minute more and then a shot rang out, and it went quiet. The footsteps then start to come my way. I look up to see a state trooper putting his gun back in his holster." "He says to me, sir, I am terribly sorry. Your mule was gravely injured, she was in terrible pain, and I had no choice but to put her down. ... How are you?"

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