...a lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over
Chủ Nhật, 29 tháng 4, 2018
My girlfriend always takes long showers after watching movies starring Chris Evans
I am not sure what she is doing inside, but this gives me a lot of time to jerk off to Chris Evans
A Priest with a golf addiction...
awakes to a beautiful Sunday morning after weeks of bad weather. He just can't work today, he HAS to find a way to fit in a round or two of golf. He calls in sick, and drives 2 hours to distant course so no one will recognize him. He lines up his first shot, a par 5, and lets it rip...
Meanwhile, Saint Peter and God are watching the wayward priest, and as he tees off God waves his hand and the ball flies straight and true all the way to the green, bounces once, and goes straight into the hole.
St Pete is confused and asks, "Why didn't you punish him?"
God responds "I did! ....who is he going to tell?"
Incels Categorize Women By Personal Style And Attractiveness
Incels Categorize Women By Personal Style And Attractiveness
There are "Stacys" and there are "Beckys."
April 29, 2018 at 03:46AM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2jfxmep
There was this engineer who died and went to Hell.
He disliked Hell, so pretty soon he went to work improving it. He installed air conditioning, elevators, bathroom air fresheners, escalators, and all sorts of gadgetry. One day God calls Satan:
"So, how are things down there?" asks God.
"Great!" Satan replies, "we now have air conditioners, elevators, escalators and bathroom air fresheners thanks to the engineer we received."
"You have an engineer? Look man, there's been some sort of mistake. Engineers aren't supposed to be in Hell, so I'd appreciate if you could send him to me" says God.
"No way, we love having an engineer on our team. Who knows what he'll come up with next?" says Satan.
"If you don't send him up here right this minute, I'm taking you to court!" says God, visibly annoyed.
Satan replies, "Oh yeah, and where are you gonna find a lawyer?"
My grandpa told me "All you kids do these days is play video games"...
"When I was your age", he continued, "my buddies and I went to Paris; we went to the Moulin Rouge and I fucked a dancer on stage, we didn't pay for our drinks all night and when the bartender complained we pissed on him”
The grandson thinks his grandfather is right. He goes to Paris and the Moulin Rouge with his friends. He comes back three days later with a broken arm and covered in bruises.
The grandfather asks "What the hell happened to you?"
The grandson says "I did just like you did. I went to the Moulin Rouge with my friends; I tried to fuck a dancer on stage and piss on the bartender -- but they beat the shit out of me and stole all the cash in my wallet!"
The grandfather asks "Well who the hell did you go with boy?"
The grandson says "My friends from school, who did you go with?"
The grandfather says "Well... the 2nd SS Panzer Division"
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket ...
... where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly."
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