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Thứ Tư, 9 tháng 5, 2018

Dad peels banana...

When i was six or so my dad started this routine every time he ate a banana...

Dad: peels the first strip of the banana peel... "One skin" Peels the second strip... "Two skin" "Three skin" "Five skin"

Me: "What happened to the Four skin"

Dad: "Jewish banana"

I was twelve and I finally figured it out....

Thứ Ba, 8 tháng 5, 2018

What is the difference between a hippie girl and a muslim girl?

The hippie girl gets stoned before sex.

I always shave my beard after having sex

... so I can remind my wife for how long we've not been doing it.

My girlfriend broke up with me cause I stole her wheelchair

But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.

Women are like tornadoes

They arrive hot and wet

They leave with the house and half of the furnitures

My mate rang me and asked,

My mate rang me and asked, "What're you doing at the moment?"

I said, "Probably failing my driving test."

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.