Jesus is hanging on the cross. Paul is nearby. Jesus calls to Paul

"Paul, come to me please." Paul rushes forward and is immediately beaten back by Roman soldiers. They beat him senseless and leave him in a heap on the side of the road.

Paul awakens to hear Jesus calling again, "Paul, come to me. I need you.". Paul rushes the soldiers and is badly beaten again, 2 broken ribs and 3 broken fingers this time. He is thrown in a heap on the side of the road.

A few minutes later Paul hears Jesus again. "Paul, please. I need to tell you...". Paul rushes forward and meets the soldiers again, he fights a savage fight and is beaten and bloody but this time makes it to the foot of the cross where Jesus is hanging.

"Jesus, I am here! What do you need to tell me?", Paul cries to his saviour. Jesus looks down upon him and says "I can totally see your house from here!"

Read More

I think my wife might be dead...

...my sex life is the same but the dishes are piling up.

Read More

If I don’t perfect Human Cloning...

...I won’t be able to live with myself

Read More

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?

I'll be home in 20 minutes.

Read More

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.

Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?" Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same." They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost. Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?" "Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Sol. Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

Read More

A gas station owner was trying to increase his sales

So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with every full tank gas.'

I saw it; filled my tank and asked for my free sex.

The owner asked me to pick a number from 1 to 10. If i guessed correctly, I would get my free sex.

I guessed 8, and the owner said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

A week later, I went again for another fill-up. Again i asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave me the same story, and asked me to guess the correct number. I guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'

As i was driving away, I couldn’t shrug myself off from this nagging thought

‘Maybe that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'

But I convinced myself..

‘It can’t be rigged.. My wife won twice last week !'

Read More

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A Pitbull coming from a childrens playground

Read More