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Thứ Năm, 5 tháng 7, 2018

A man walks into a bar......

A man walks in to a bar with a box under his arm and says to the barman “if I can show something you have never seen before will you give me a free drink?”

Now the barman has seen mostly everything in his time and says “sure , Impress me and hell, I’ll give you a free tab for the eve!”

So the man puts down the box and opens it and then he pulls a small piano out of it and places it on the bar and then a little man as well.

The little man walks up to the piano and starts playing !

The barman was blown away by this and agrees to the drinks and asks”where did you find him?”

“Well “says the man, “I found this magic lamp”Goes back in to the box and pulls out this old brass oil lamp.

“I rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted me one wish and then he said I must pass the lamp on to the next person that did me a kindness”

“Wow” says the barman.

The man then says “as you gave me a drink I’m going to let you have the lamp”

“Be careful what you wish for tho”

So the barman rubs the lamp and then makes his wish………

Next thing the bar has ducks everywhere!!! Crapping on the bar and the floor and all over the customers!!!!!

The barman shouts at the man saying,” I wished for a million Bucks! not a million ducks!“

To this the man reply’s” And you think that I wished for a 12 inch Pianist?! “

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.

She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up.

She turned out to be an undercover detective.

How cool is that at her age?!

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree.

He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

     "Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.

     "Boy," is the man's response.

     "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows up with a stick, a Chihuahua, a shotgun, and a pair of handcuffs. He then gives the man some instructions: "Now, I'm going to climb this tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls. When he does, the trained Chihuahua will bite the gorilla's testicles off. The gorilla will then cross his hands to protect himself and allow you to put the handcuffs on him."

     The man asks, "What do I do with the shotgun?"

     The service guy replies, "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the Chihuahua."

I don’t see why Brits don’t celebrate the 4th of July.

Surely 240 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.

I asked a librarian if she had a book about pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat...

She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not

What do you call children born in Whore Houses?

Brothel Sprouts

Say what you want about Trump’s wall

But China has had a great wall for thousands of years and you still don’t see any Mexicans