He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Thứ Bảy, 3 tháng 11, 2018
One of my 9th graders told me this joke. A guy was being investigated by the IRS...
A guy was being investigated by the IRS. After dodging the agent for weeks, his family convinced him to go get a lawyer and go talk to the irs agent.
The guy goes to see the lawyer and they ride together to the IRS office to see what the problem is.
The IRS agent meets the guy and tells him he has dozens of huge lumps of income with no taxes paid and no explanation. These were deposits of 1000, 5000, even 75000 dollars.
The guy listened and offered an explanation. “I make bets with people, and I tend to win”
The IRS agent found this very hard to believe. “You expect me to believe that? Someone make a 75 grand bet and paid it?”
The guy offered an example. “I’ll bet you a thousand bucks right now that I can bite my own eye”
The IRS agent thought to him self and accepted the bet. Thinking it was impossible.
So the guy took out his glass eye, bit it, and put it back in his head.
The IRS was shocked
The guy offered another bet. “You don’t know me and that was unfair. I’ll bet you 5 grand I can bite my other eye”
The IRS agent thought that would surely be impossible. He saw the man drive to his office with the lawyer. And he was the one driving. So he accepts the bet.
The guy then takes out his false teeth, bites his other eye and puts them back in his mouth.
The IRS agent was shocked.
The guy offered him a way to break even.
“I’ll bet you 6 thousand dollars I can pee into that coffee cup on your desk from across the room without getting a drop on the floor”
Thinking it’s impossible and wanting his money back he accepts again.
So the man stands against the far wall, gets ready to pee, and just end up peeing all over the agent’s carpet and chairs and walls. Only a drop landed in the cup.
The IRS agent was ecstatic. Jumping up and down, cheering, and just excited he didn’t owe this guy 6 grand anymore. Then he spots the lawyer in the corner. “Why do you look so upset? Your clients free to go. No more investigation.”
The lawyer gets up and says, “He be me 200 thousand dollars on the way here that he’d pee all over your office and you’d love it.”
A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight. After the plane takes off, the cowboy asks for a whiskey and soda, which is promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asks the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replies, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then hands his drink back to the attendant and says, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
When I was young, at bedtimes...
My mum used to tell me fairy stories with a happy ending. Just one of the benefits of having a masseuse as a parent I guess.
A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question.......
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back."
"That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
Johnny said: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
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