A pirate with an eye patch, a peg leg, and a hook walks into a bar.

The bartender notices him, and decides to ask about his injuries. "So..." he starts off, "How'd you get that peg leg?" "A shark bit off me leg." "And the hook?" "An enemy pirate cut off me hand." The bartender gasps, fascinated by the pirate's stories. "What about the eyepatch?" "A seagull pooped in me eye." "A seagull caused that? How?" The bartender questioned. "Well, 'twas me first day with the hook..."...

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Did you know chickens die after sex?

Well, at least that's been my experience so far....

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A detective arrives at the scene of a crime and immediately knows what the murder weapon is

It was a brief case...

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The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup...

I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."...

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I can still remember when my mom would tuck me in...

She really wanted a daughter......

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I'm no longer a 21 year old virgin

I turned 22....

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The Godfather’s relaxing at his social club...

...with his crew. The usual gaggle of young Turks waits in the wings, hoping to get noticed, hoping to move up. The Godfather calls one of them over. “Jimmy, I hear good things about you. They tell me you’re serious, that you can be trusted.” Jimmy swells with pride. “I got a job I need you to do for me” “Anything you need, Godfather. Just tell me what to do.” “I want you to go back to the john, and I want you to whack off.” Jimmy’s silent for a moment. “Um... excuse me, Godfather, I coulda sworn you just told me to—“ The Godfather holds up his...

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