I slid my finger back out, and within seconds, she was going down on me.
I thought to myself, "I really need a new fucking boat."
Chủ Nhật, 23 tháng 12, 2018
A guy walks into a dentist office.
He says "Doc, you have to help me! I think I am a moth!"
The Dentist says "I can't help you, I'm a dentist, you need a psychiatrist. Why did you even come in here?"
The man replies "The light was on."
So I work with a Chinese guy called Kim.
Once when we're having drinks, I asked him, "Aren't you tired of Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same? "
He replied, "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife. "
A Newlywed Couple Waited for Marriage to Have Sex...
A couple wanted to wait to have sex until the night of their wedding. As the big day got closer the bride tells the groom she has a confession to make.
"I am as flat as a board. I'm sorry, I have been using the best padded bras on the market to make people believe I actually have breasts. I hope this isn't a deal-breaker."
"Oh thank God!" the groom exclaims. "I have a secret too...my penis is the size of a newborn."
The couple is so happy they've aired their most embarrassing information and relieved the other is okay with it.
The wedding day comes and goes and the husband and wife start to undress in front of each other for the first time. The bride takes off her dress, unfastens her bra, and as she said her chest looked like a wall with nipples, no boobs at all. Then the groom takes off his suit, drops his underwear, and reveals a monstrously large penis. So large it is almost grotesque.
"I thought you said that was going to be as small as a newborn?" she asked.
He answers, "well it is, it's 19 inches long and weighs 8 lbs...are you ready?"
A French man, a British man and a Spanish man are caught stealing in a foreign country.
They are prosecuted and the judge sentences them all to 100 lashes each. However he wants to look lenient in the eyes of their respective countries so he reduces the lashes to twenty and allows them to have two requests each before being lashed.
The Spanish is first to be lashed and requests a bottle of tequila and a pillow strapped to his back. They let him drink the tequila and strap the pillow to his back and then commence the lashes. After 5 lashes the pillow breaks and they keep lashing him. After the 20 lashes he's bawling and his back is horribly scarred. They haul him away to be sent back to Spain.
The French man is next and he requests two pillows (one per request). After 10 lashes the pillows break and they continue with the next 10. By the end he's also horribly scarred and bawling, but not as bad as the Spanish guy.
While they are hauling off the French guy the judge turns to the Brit and says "Well it's your turn now. What do you request?"
The British man responds "First I want the original punishment of 100 lashes. I don't believe I should get off easy."
The Judge yells "You're crazy! why would you do that?"
The Brit responds "Because my next request is to have the French man strapped to my back."
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