Turns out, my parents weren't even related.
Thứ Ba, 1 tháng 1, 2019
Rosy and Sunday school
Rosy goes to Sunday school every week, but falls asleep every class!
One day, to “inadvertently” call her out on it, the teacher calls on Rosy and asks this question:
“Who created the universe as we know it to be?”
At this point, to just have a laugh, Rosy’s friend, Adam, sitting behind her, pokes her in the butt with a thumb tack!
Rosy wakes up in a frazzle, “GOD ALMIGHTY!”
The teacher says “yes, correct.”
Rosy, still confused after being rudely awoken, is asked another question: “What was the name of Gods son?”
Adam, giggling wildly to himself, pokes Rosy in the butt again!
Rosy screeches out “JESUS CHRIST!”
The teacher says “yes, correct.”
Finally, the teacher asks what she believes to be an impossible question: “What did Eve say to Adam after having their 43rd child?”
Adam, triumphantly, drives the thumbtack into Rosy’s backside yet again to then hear Rosy yell out
“Oh for fucks sake Adam, if you stick that thing in me one more time I’ll snap it in two!”
I asked my wife to dress up as my favorite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun.
I walked into the bedroom, and I was shocked!
"Honey, Jabba the Hut is not my favorite Star Wars character" I said.
"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed you asshole!"
A new Navy recruit has just been assigned to his first submarine...
He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.
"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."
The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.
"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."
The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.
"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."
The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.
"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"
The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."
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