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Thứ Hai, 25 tháng 2, 2019

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." He sighed ..... "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."

I told my friends I have a girlfriend...

They all laughed at me and told me she is isn't real.

Well Jokes on them because neither are they

I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology.

It has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

Wife: “I’m pregnant.”

Me: “Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad.”

Wife: “No you’re not.”

My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up."

"Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out...

As he walked to the door she yelled: "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death!"

He turned around and said: "So, you want me to stay?"

Life before the computer:

Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show.

A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu.

A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.

And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy..... you just hoped nobody found out.