Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody else in the island...

He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier... it was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, she noticed this...

One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her successfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they where for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life.

But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed... "What's wrong?" Scarlett Johansson asked, "Nothing..." the guy would say...

She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn't asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him...

"Really?, you'll do anything I'd like?"

"yes" she said "anything!"

"ok, first i want you to take off you toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore"

"ok..."

"now put this shirt on please, but first, "tape" your boobs so they are flat"

"wha... ok, I'd say I'd do anything" she said lovingly.

"ok, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it"

She was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat.

"Now id like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache"

"ok... if this is what you want..." she muttered.

"now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach I'll catch up to you in a bit", he said a bit excited...

She started walking... wondering... doubting herself... just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn't her, maybe it was h... suddenly the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: "DUDE!!! you won't believe who I've been fucking for the past 6 months!"

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My girlfriend is a pornstar

She is going to be very pissed when she finds out.

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Handjobs [nsfw]

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

"Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10."

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductively.

"Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

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The year is 1804 and a young man enlists on a ship..

..his first voyage is to last 3 years, and even though the work is hard the young man takes to it like a fish in water.

After only a few days he is running the riggin like an old hand, he swabs the decks without complaint and spends his free time in amicable companionship playing cards or telling tall tales.

All in all the young man feels as if he has found his calling.

A few weeks go by like this, the young man loving his new life except one part.. There are no women.

After a couple of months like this, he is starting to feel extremely uncomfortable with the situation and voices his complaints to his shipmates one evening.

"Why don't you just use the barrel?" Asks one of his mates with a surprised look .It turns out that down in the hold, in a dark corner there is a barrel, with a hole drilled into the side.. Whenever the sailors start to feel their urges rise, they simply go down to the barrel and take care of their business there.

The young man decides, with some scepticism, to try the barrel, and finds to his surprise that it is a wholly pleasant experience, in no way lesser than any he has had with real women before.

With this new found release the young man starts to enjoy his work even more. His days continue as before, and his evenings are still spent in pleasant company, but a new addition to his routine is a nightly visit to the barrel.

Another two months pass in this way and all is well, until one night as he gets up from his seat at the card table and announces that he is going to visit the barrel to his mates.A few chuckles greet this announcement and one of his friends asks "Trying to get the final fun out of it eh?"

"Final fun? Are we getting rid of the barrel?" The young man asks, worry playing over his face.

"Not at all mate, it's just that.. next month is your turn in the barrel."

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Two Sex Workers Reveal What Life Is Like In A Massage Parlor

Bản tóm tắt này không có sẵn. Vui lòng nhấp vào đây để xem bài đăng.

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6:30 is the BEST time on the clock

Hands down

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A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking.

In self-defense the man says, “Who told you that drinking is bad?”

Nun : "Mother Superior told me."

Man : "So, have you ever tried it?"

Nun : "No, I haven’t ever taken a drink of hard liquor."

Man : "Well, don’t criticize me if you haven’t tried it. I’ll tell you what if you try it and don’t like it, I’ll give up drinking for life."

Nun : "Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don’t want people thinking I’m drinking."

The man goes up to the bartender and says, “Bring me a couple of shots of vodka but bring one of them in a tea cup.”

The bartender looked at the man and said, “Is that nun in here again?”

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