Partial arts
Thứ Sáu, 29 tháng 3, 2019
Golfing with a hitman
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them.
"Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up".
Sure, they said, you’re welcome.
So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer,
"What do you do for a living?"
I’m a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!” was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools."
That's a beautiful telescopic sight,” said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here".
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.
"Yeah, I can see my house all right. "This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom".
"Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her......He's naked, too!!! The bitch!"
He turned to the hit man. “How much do you charge for a hit?"
"I'll do a flat rate, for you: One thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."
"Can you do two for me now?"
“Sure, what do you want?”
"First, shoot my wife; she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's supposed to be a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.
“Are you gonna do it or not?" asked the friend impatiently.
"Just be patient," said the hit man calmly . . . . . "I think I can save ya a grand here."
A man walks into a saloon
...he takes off his hat and throws it in an arc. Six men lose their hats. Everyone is impressed, they yell out: "Wow! What's your name?"
"They call me Hat-Bill."
Another man walks in, grabs his gun and fires off six rounds. Six men lose their hats. The crowd yells out: "Wow! What's your name?"
"They call me Gun-Bill."
A third man walks in. He has six arms. In a flash, he grabs the hats off the heads of six men. Everyone is speechless. Finally, one guy yells: "Wow! What's your name?"
"They call me...
...Chernobyl."
I found a hearing aid outside my garden gate.
When I saw my neighbour I asked, "Excuse me sir, is this yours?"
The ignorant bastard just ignored me.
NSFW Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding
When he gets up to the window he asks for her licence and registration.
“What’s a licence” she asks
So the cop explains what a licence is.
The blonde quickly says “Oh I have one of those” and hands it over to the cop.
“I also need to registration” reminds the cop
“What’s a registration” she asks
So the cop explains what a registration is to her.
“I have one of those” she says as she grabs it and hands it over.
So the cop takes the licence and registration back to his car to write up the ticket. As he’s writing up the ticket he tells his partner how dumb this blonde is.
His partner thinks a minute and says “when you take the ticket to her, give her everything then drop your pants to see what her reaction is.”
So the cop finishes writing up the ticket and heads back to the blonde. He hands her her licence, registration and the ticket then drops his pants.
The blonde looks confused for a second then her face falls, “oh no, not another breathalyzer test”
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