Because he conditioned it!
Thứ Sáu, 31 tháng 5, 2019
3 friends were bragging about who had the most sex...
Friend 1 said ”You all have nothing on me, I go to the bar and bring home a woman every night. Not only that but I Corvette to work everyday and I got a 8.5 inch penis. I have slept with over 1000 different women.”
Friend 2 said ”Oh yeah? Well I’m the top gynecologist doctor at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $850k a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis. I have slept with well over 5000 women.”
Friend 3 said ”I have you all beat. I fucked over all the Redditors who were expecting a punchline to this joke.”
A 10 year old girl asks her mother... “Mommy, How was I born?”
The mother smiled and replies... “Once upon a time your father and I planted a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the soil and I looked after it. Every day I gave it water and fertilizer. After a while the seed started to grow into a lovely plant with pretty green leaves. After a few months the plant grew big and healthy with lots of buds. When the plant was about 4 feet tall we cut it down and dried it.
Then we smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom.
Two guys were working at the airport, when a foreigner walked up to them. He asked them in Spanish, where the luggage pick up was. Neither could understand him, so they raised their hands and shook their heads that they don't understand...
He asked again, in German.
Again, the two workers did not understand him.
He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn't understand him.
He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.
One guy turned to the other guy and said, "You know, maybe we should learn a second language."
"Why would you want to do that?" replied the other guy.
"It would help out in situations like the one we just had."
"What good would knowing a second language be? That guy knew 4 and it didn't help him any."
All his life, Timmy wanted to be a train conductor.
He graduated top of his class in train school, and was hired by the most prestigious train company to conduct their new Super Train. This train could carry 1,000 passengers and was very expensive to manufacture.
Yet little Timmy had one fatal flaw. He has a very short attention span.
It just so happened that one day when Timmy was driving the train near a very sharp turn that required him to decrease the trains speed, a butterfly flew across the window.
Distracted, Timmy forgot to decrease the trains speed and ended up running it off the tracks, killing everybody inside expect for himself.
In the strange country that Timmy lives in, the punishment for killing a lot of people with a train is death by electric chair.
So the day comes when the executioner approaches Timmy in jail and asks what he wants for his last meal.
Timmy thinks for a minute, and then responds to the executioner by asking for a single banana.
The executioner thinks this is a stupid request, but grants Timmy’s wish anyways. He gives him a single banana, which Timmy eats in 3 bites.
The executioner straps Timmy into the electric chair and pulls down the lever to start the flow of electricity.
When the smoke clears, the executioner in shocked to see Timmy still alive, sitting in the electric chair!
Another strange law in the county Timmy lives in is if you survive the execution by electric chair, you get to walk away as a free man.
Timmy was distraught about loosing his job as a train conductor. It just so happened that the same prestigious train company was desperate for a qualified conductor to operate their new Mega Train.
They hired Timmy back to his old job.
Timmy was driving the train in the exact spot where his previous accident occurred, when another butterfly flew across his window...
So Timmy’s back in the jail cell when the executioner asks for his last meal (again).
Timmy thinks for a minute, and asks for two bananas this time.
A bit suspicious, the executioner brings him his bananas which Timmy eats in 3 bites each.
Timmy was strapped into the chair, and the lever was pulled, but when the smoke settled, he still wasn’t dead!
Again, Timmy walks free.
Again, the train company hires him back to drive their new Ultra Train.
Again, Timmy is conducting the train in the spot where the previous accidents had occurred.
Again, a butterfly flew across the window...
So Timmy’s about to be executed for the third time when the executioner approaches him. He states that Timmy won’t be given a last meal this time, so there would be no way he could eat his bananas.
Timmy is strapped into the electric chair and the executioner pulls the lever.
The look on the executioners face after he realized Timmy still hadn’t died was priceless.
“How are you still alive?” Demanded the executioner, “I didn’t give you any bananas this time!”
Timmy replies, “It’s not the bananas. I’m just a bad conductor.”
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