A proctologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it's time for a change. He does a bit of research and settles on trying his hand at being a mechanic. He attends mechanic school diligently and pays attention in the hopes of being the best mechanic in town.

After taking his final exam, he notices a mistake with the grade on the test and asks the teacher.

"Sir, you have me 150% out of a possible 100% on the practical exam. This must be a mistake!"

The teacher replies, "It's no mistake. 50% of the grade is for perfect disassembly of the engine. 50% is for perfect reassembly of the engine. I gave you another 50% on top because you did it all through the exhaust pipe!"

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A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"

Tom: [raises his mug] ok, get rid of my tea

Genie: poof

om: it didn't work

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We kicked the drummer out if the band because his timing was awful.

He was so upset he went to the station and threw himself behind a train.

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Having too much sex can cause memory loss!

I read it on page 34, line 15 in a medical journal on may 23, 2009 at 11:58 AM .

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A man walks into a bar

And loses the limbo contest as a result.

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Her: You got a vasectomy without telling me! Are you serious?

Me: Yes. I’m not kidding you.

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Some pallbearers are carrying a coffin at a funeral.

Suddenly they stumble and drop it. It slides down a hill, gains speed and shoots out of the cemetery toward the street. It goes down the road gaining more speed. It veers onto the highway. It goes several miles and gets off after three exits. It goes across town through three intersections and finally reaches a dead end with a pharmacy at the end. It blasts through the doors, skids down the aisle and slams to a stop at the pharmacy counter. The lid pops open and the corpse sits straight up. The pharmacist asks, "Can I help you with something?" The corpse says, "Yeah, you got anything to stop this coffin?"

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