They're, their, there.
Thứ Sáu, 13 tháng 9, 2019
A man asked his wife if she can make him something to eat.
And she replied "Do I look like a fucking cook to you?".
A little later he asked if she has washed his favorite shirt.
She replied "Do I look like a fucking maid to you?"
A little later the wife left and came home a few hours later. She was surprised to see a beautiful dinner waiting for her and all the dirty clothes washed and folded.
She called to her husband. "Honey did you do all this for me?"
Husband: "No. The lady next door heard us earlier and after you left, offered to help me do all those things I asked you to do in exchange for either fixing her car or fucking her brains out."
Wife: "So did you fix her car?"
Husband: "Do I look like a fucking mechanic to you?"
Thứ Năm, 12 tháng 9, 2019
I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian.
Genghis Khan and his soldiers attacked a tiny village of their enemy country and took all the men and women as prisoners..
Later in the evening,after being intoxicated,the sadistic Genghis decides to play a game..
He asks all the men from the village to stand in a line and strip down their pants..
He then instructed one of the wives of the men to be blindfolded and she should recognize her husband after examining the penis of the men standing in the line..
If she points to a wrong man,then she and her husband will be executed.
The first woman nervously stepped out and she kept touching the penises until she found her husbands and declared it.... Genghis was disappointed that she succeeded.
Then the second woman came forward. She was so nervous that she kept touching each penis for a long time and kept thinking for a while before rejecting them. She too recognized her husband's penis.
Now Genghis got really angry. So he decide to stand in the line posing as villager to confuse them.
The third woman started. She hardly took more than few seconds for each penis while thinking out loud "Not him" "Not him either"..
This continued until she touched Genghis's penis. She stopped for a while and thought really hard
"Not from our village" she muttered and moved on
A guy goes to the tattoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his penis
The artist agrees, but is curious and
asks the man why he wants to do this.
The man replies, “I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.”
So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his dick.
So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tattoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his cock.
So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: “First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it.”
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