An even wiser man didn’t say that
Thứ Tư, 25 tháng 9, 2019
Stop vs slow down
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he's smarter than the cop because he's a lawyer from the one and only London and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's expense.
Irish cop says,"License and registration, please."
London Lawyer says, "What for?"
Irish cop says,"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Irish cop says,"Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please"
London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living shit out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop, or just slow down?!"
There was once an old trapper drinking in a tavern.
He didn't have much money, so he loudly made a bet to every one in the room,"Blind fold me and bring me any pelt! I'll tell you what animal it was and how you killed it! If I'm right, you buy me a drink. If I'm wrong, drinks on me!"
The first taker stepped up to the bar. "Alright, old man. I'll take your bet." Blindfolded, the old trapper feels the pelt. "Otter... killed with bow." The taker laughs and buys the old man a drink.
More followed "White tail deer, killed by musket! Squirrel, by snare!" It wasn't long until every trapper and hunter in the tavern had their turn. Drunkenly, the old man stumbled home and crawled into bed.
He woke in the morning with a splitting headache, a fat lip and a black eye! "I don't remember getting into a fight! I did my trick last night and got real drunk, but I know I didn't fight anyone!"
His wife yells and says "I did it, you old coot! You crawled into bed, shoved your hand down my panties and said 'Skunk, killed with an axe!'"
Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes
Me: I wish for a world without lawyers
Genie: Done, you have no more wishes
Me: But you said 3!
Genie: Sue me
Just married!!
A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on." She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can’t wear your pants," she said. "That’s right!" said the husband, "and don’t you forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can’t get into your panties!" She said, "That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude…"
Thứ Ba, 24 tháng 9, 2019
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