I asked her, "I can't seem to find my wife, can I talk to you?"
"Sure, but how can that help?"
"Once she sees me talking to you, I'll bet you anything she'll appear out of fucking nowhere."
Chủ Nhật, 24 tháng 11, 2019
(NSFW) Two rednecks, Junior and Billy, are walking through the forest and stumble upon a sheep with Its head stuck in the fence
Junior Looks at Billy and says, “Ima fuck that sheep!” So he runs up behind the sheep, pulls down his pants and starts fuckin it. After a few minutes he steps back, pulls up his pants and walks back to Billy. Junior looks at Billy and Says “I’m sorry, do you want a turn Billy?”
Billy looks at junior and says “hell yah!” and runs over to the fence. Billy looks back at junior, drops his pants, and then sticks his head in the fence.
A fisherman walks into r/jokes...
A fisherman walks into r/jokes where he meets a bartender. The bartender offers him a drink. The fisherman says he does not have money to pay, so instead he offers a trade-- if he can get the bartender to laugh at his joke, then the bartender should provide a drink for free. The bartender, a smug, old pirate of a man accepts. After all, he is a moderator of r/jokes, so he has become very accustomed to not laughing.
The fisherman begins his tale. "Years ago, I set out on a whaling expedition, when a fellow sailor told me about the mystical golden fishing rod."
"Let me stop you right there" says the bartender. I can see where this is going. Golden rod. This is a sex joke. I've heard it before."
"No. It's not a sex joke" says the fisherman.
The bartender, fascinated, realizes that this may actually be OC.
The fisherman continues his tale. "There once was a mystical golden fishing rod that was said to be so powerful that anyone using it could catch any fish."
"Wait a minute" says the bartender. "I think you're in the wrong place. This sounds like the tale of Darth Plagueis. You want r/prequelmemes down the street".
"No. It's not a prequel meme" says the fisherman.
The fisherman continues his tale. "One day, a little boy found the rod and used it to catch a lion fish. Neptune, god of the sea appeared. He was furious because the lion fish was his best friend. In retaliation, Neptune broke the rod into pieces, separating the rod and the reel. The little boy said 'Now I am sad'.
"Oh, come on!" said the bartender. "Hey, Sad. I'm neptune! You want r/dadjokes. Don't waste my time".
"No. It's not a dadjoke" says the fisherman.
The fisherman continues his tale. "The boy took the pieces home, but they never worked again. Eventually, the rod was sold at a flea market, and the reel became the subject of many jokes."
The fisherman then asks "So, what did you think?"
The bartender, confused, looks up. "What? That's it?"
The fisherman nods.
The bartender, now, is very confused. It's OC, sure, but it doesn't make any sense.
He scratches his head and asks a question "What do you mean about the reel becoming the subject of many jokes?"
The fisherman says "I can't answer that here".
The bartender asks "Why not?"
The fisherman replies "The reel joke is always in the comments"
A teenager is trying to decide where to go to college.
He's stuck at a crossroads between three schools - Harvard, Hampden-Sydney, and Alabama. To try and get some guidance, he asks his father,
"Well, what are my chances of getting laid at Harvard?"
"Oh, not good at all," his father says. "They're too focused on studying and working to have any fun at all."
"What about Hampden-Sydney?"
"Well, it's an all guys school, so unless you're into that, I wouldn't be too confident."
"Well, Alabama has to have something, right?"
"Alabama!" the father says with a chuckle. "Well, at Alabama, I'd say your chances of getting laid are pretty relative!"
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
(I can’t imagine this isn’t a repost, so delete if need be)
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