The bartender asks them: "Do all three of you want beer?"
The first one said: "I don't know."
The second also said: "I don't know."
The third one said: "Yes."
Thứ Ba, 17 tháng 12, 2019
If only there was an easier way
Paddy and Paddy, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig.
When they got home, Paddy turned to Paddy and said, "Paddy, me ol'mate, how
are we going to tell who owns which Fookin' Pig?"
Paddy says, "Well Paddy, I'll cut one of te ears off my Fookin Pig, and ten
we can tell them apart."
"Ah, dat id be grand," says Paddy.
This worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy stormed into the
house. "Paddy" he said, "Your Fookin Pig has chewed the ear off my Fookin
Pig. Now we got two fookin pigs with one ear each. How are we going to tell
who owns which fookin pig.?"
"Well Paddy," says Paddy,"I'll cut ta other ear off my fookin pig. Ten we'll
ave two fookin pigs and only one of them will avan ear".
"Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy.
Again, this worked fine until a couple of weeks later, when Paddy again
stormed into the house. "Paddy", he said, "Your fookin pig has chewed the
other ear offa my fookin pig!!!." "Now, we got two fookin pigs with no
fookin ears!!!. How we gonna tell who owns which fookin pig?"
"Ah, dis is serious, Paddy" said Paddy. " I'll tell ya what I'll do. I'll
cut de tail offa my fookin pig. Den we'll av two fookin pigs with no fookin
ears and only one fookin tail."
"Ah tat'd be grand" says Paddy.
Another couple of weeks went by and..........you guessed it, Paddy stormed
into the house once more. "PADDY," shouted Paddy, "YOUR FOOKIN PIG HAS
CHEWED THE FOOKIN TAIL OFFA MY FOOKIN PIG, AND NOW WE GOT TWO FOOKIN PIGS
WITH NO FOOKIN EARS AND NO FOOKIN TAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. HOW DE FOOK ARE WE
GONNA FOOKIN TELL 'EM APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Ah, Fook it" says Paddy, "how's about you have the black one, and I'll have
the white one"
A new Navy recruit on his first day posted in A Submarine ...
He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.
"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."
The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.
"Son I'm changing your post to the mess hall. Go in there and start washing some dishes."
The recruit obeys, and heads to the mess hall. He's cleaned about 3 dishes when the officer walks up again.
"Listen here recruit, your new post is in the supply room. I need you to make sure everything is strapped down tight, in case of rough waters."
The recruit again follows orders, and heads off to the supply room. There, he sees a crewman, moving some boxes.
"Hey there," says the recruit. "is it normal to keep getting reassigned to new posts all day? I haven't kept one position for more than 15 minutes!"
The crewman says "Oh yeah- this sub is full of reposts."
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them.
After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. So D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse me; I'll just be a second."
Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight!"
That’s when E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight! Come on in, this could be a major development!" Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.
Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility which leads to the moral of our story:
Never let a pianist tell you puns because when it comes to e-flats that are really e-minors theyre nothing but treble. They’ll bring you down, you’ll always get the e-b-g-b’s, 9 times outta 10 they’ll play it by ear, & every time they do the joke will fall flat.
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