He said: "Gil... remember how we used to finish each other's sentences?"
Thứ Hai, 20 tháng 1, 2020
A woman decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says,
“Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.
“Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”
When they are seated…
A waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says…
“How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”
“She’s in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says:…
“Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”
Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else…
But his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,…
Calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says,
“Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave.”
Hand Jobs $20 (NSFW)
A man walks into a sandwich shop and looks at the menu board. It reads
Grilled Cheese - $3 Ham and Cheese $5 Roast Beef - $6 Hand jobs -$20
A beautiful blond with huge tits comes to the register and says "what will you have handsome?"
"Are you the one that gives the handjobs?" He asks.
"Yes I am!." She replies with a wink.
"Well wash your fucking hands, I'll have a Grilled Cheese sandwich."
Two old men go into a whore house.
The head prostitute tells the new girl to put a couple of blow up dolls in their beds and take out the bulbs of their lamps. "They pretty much blind anyway" she explained.
Later that night, the first old man comes down the stairs looking worried. "I think the woman I'm with is dead?"
"Why?" Asked the new girl.
"She ain't movin or breathin."
Before she can attempt to explain the second old man comes down the sairs with the same worried look on his face. "I think the woman I was with was a witch!"
"Why?" Asked the new girl again.
"Well when I bit her on the boob she farted and flew out the window!"
Chủ Nhật, 19 tháng 1, 2020
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!"
The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One..."
A girl killed a butterfly [Slightly NSFW]
Her father became mad and said "No butter for you"
Later, the girl killed a honeybee, her father again became mad and said "No honey for you"
The girl later killed a cockroach. Her father said "Nice try, this is Alabama"
(Sorry, English is not my first language)
I proposed my russian girlfriend and she said yes
For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.
It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.
As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.
As we walked away I asked, "Why did they tell us to kiss and not the priest?"
My wife answered,
"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"
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