What’s black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and

white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?

101 Dalmatians!

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My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy. ( NSFW warning I don’t know how to tag it)

I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.

My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.

A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him, that’s the last thing I need.

The neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. We had been his customers for 8 years. We had no idea he was a barber.

One hundred years ago everyone had a horse and only the rich had cars. Nowadays everyone has a car and only the rich have horses. Oh how the stables have turned.

My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There’s something I must confess." "Shhh," I said, "There’s nothing to confess. Everything is alright." "No, I must die in peace," he said. "I had sex with your sister, your best friend, and your co-worker." "I know,” I whispered, "That’s why I poisoned you… Now close your eyes.”

Did you hear about McDonald’s trying to get into the high-end steakhouse market? It was a Big McSteak.

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A KGB agent goes to a library and sees an old Jewish man reading a book.

“What are you reading, old man?” he asks.

“I’m learning Hebrew, comrade,” replies the old Jew.

The KGB agent asks, “What are you learning Hebrew for? You know it takes years to get a permission to travel to Israel? You will die before you get one.”

“I’m learning Hebrew for when I go to heaven so I can speak with Moses and Abraham,” replies the old man.

“How do you know you’re going to heaven? What if you go to hell?” asks the KGB agent.

“I already speak Russian."

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If being sexy was a crime, I’d be serving a life sentence.

For a crime I didn’t commit

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A couple is golfing on a golf course when their ball flies out of the course and smashes right through the window of an old mansion.

Shocked, the couple hastes to the old mansion and knock on the door.

A mysterious voice from within the mansion calls the couple to enter.

The couple enters the mansion and in the hallway they see an old man standing next to the broken window and a broken chinese vase with their golfball in it.

Realizing they did not only break the window, but also an old vase the couple start apologising.

"Don't be sorry!" the old man says, "You see, I'm a ghost and by breaking this vase you have set me free after being trapped for a 1000 years"

"Since I'm free, I can fulfill 3 wishes" he continues "and I'd like to give each of you 1 wish as a thanks and keep 1 for myself"

filled with joy the husband makes his wish: "I wish that I'd get 1 million euro added to my bank account every single day!"

"Done!" says the old man "Tomorrow, the first million euro will be added to your account"

Then, the wife makes her wish: "I'd like a beautiful villa in every country of the world!"

"Done!" says the old man "go to your notary tomorrow to retrieve the title deeds"

Filled with joy the husband and wife embrace each other. Then the husband asks the old man: "So, what will you wish for?"

"Well, being all by myself for a 1000 years, I am really horny. I really want to have sex right now. My wish is to have sex with your wife all night right now!"

The couple look at each other and nod "After what you just did for us, we agree" after which the old man dissapears with the wife into the bedroom.

The old man gives it to the wife all night long. When the morning arrives, the old man is finally done. After dressing up he asks the exhausted wife: "Tell me, how old are you exactly?"

"38 years, why?"

"It just keeps amazing me that at that age, there are still people who believe in ghosts..."

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I got hit in the head with a can of Dr. Pepper today

Luckily I’m not hurt, it was a soft drink

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Today is my cake day which means

Exactly one year ago, I discovered reddit porn.

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