An airplane crashed into a jungle

An airplane crashed into a jungle and only two friends sorvived, as they ware walking in the forest, they find the camp of the jungle tribe, their leader sees them and shouts loudly: "FUCK THEM! " and the whole tribe started runing towards them, and they started runing away from them, after a while the one says: "we can't outrun them, quick, climb up the tree"

The first man climbs up the tree but the second can't, the tribe reaches them and starts fucking the one on the ground, after they all finished they left, a day passed and as they looked for food they run into the tribe again, the tribe leader sees them and shouts: "FUCK THEM! " they run, the first climbs to a tree and the second its stuck down again, the tribe fucks him again and after they finished they left.

That happened 4 times and the second says to the first: "I can't take it, they fucked me 4 times, the next time help me to climb up the tree and you stay down" the first man agrees and after some time they walked at the tribe again, the leader sees then and shouts: "FUCK THEM!" they run and the first helps his friend to climb up the tree and he stays down, lowers his pants and gets ready to be fucked by the tribe, the tribe finds them and before they fuck him the leader says: " I feel kinda sorry for the guy at the ground, let's fuck the guy on the tree today!"

(Purely translated)

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a desperate woman puts an ad on craigslist.

she writes: "all i want is a man who won't hit me, won't abandon me, and has a large penis. if these conditions apply to you here's my address"

a few days later she hears a knock on the door

man: hello i saw your personal ad and i think we're perfect for each other, as you can see i have no arms so i can't hit you, and i have no legs so i cannot run away.

woman: and the third condition?

man: how do you think i knocked on the door?

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A police officer pulls over a car full of old women. He says "Mam, you realize you can't drive that slow on the highway. It's dangerous."

MShe responds "Isn't the speed limit 33?"

Laughing the cop says "No man, this is highway 33. That's not the speed limit." He looks into the back of the car and the women are frightened. He asks "What's wrong with them?"

The lady says "I don't know. We just came off of Highway 144."

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Trump reportedly asked to be added to Mount Rushmore

Turns out granite isn't a dense enough material to represent him

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The best joke I’ve ever heard which never fails to make me smile whenever I remember it.(NSFW)

Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle. After wandering around for days, they are found and captured by a jungle tribe. The tribesmen take the explorers to their leader and drop them at his feet. The chieftain looks at them for a moment and says, “ The three of you will die unless you manage to do a near impossible task. Each of you must gather 10 fruits of the same kind and bring them to me.” The explorers cannot believe their luck at being given such an easy task. They set out their separate ways to find a fruit as fast as they can. The first one finds an apple tree and so quickly gathers 10 of them. The second one finds some cherries and plucks a bunch of them.They rush to the chieftain and present the fruits. The chieftain smiles and says, “ Now you must shove them up your ass one by one, and if you make any noise or facial expression I will slit your throat right here.” The first explorer,resigned to his fate, puts on a brave face and starts shoving the apples. He gets to four and then he can’t take it anymore. As soon as he yells in despair, the chieftain takes his knife and slits his throat leaving him to bleed out on the ground. The first explorer dies and reaches the gates of heaven, and while he is walking in he sees the second explorer running to catch up with him. “Why are you here? I thought you only had ten small cherries with you?” The first guy asks him. The second explorer laughs and says “ Well all was going fine and I was just sliding the ninth cherry inside, but then I saw our friend dragging a cart of the largest pineapples have seen behind him and I burst out laughing!”

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My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.

It’s part of her minstrel cycle.

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What do you call a bullet proof Irish man?

Rick O'Shea.

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