Self deprecating romanian humor

Three explorers are caught by a savage tribe and brought before the chief. An american, a romanian and a russian.

chief says "we've had a good hunt so we won't eat you outright, but instead, for the tribe's benefit we will offer you three ways out: pay 100$, take a good beating or eat a bucket of shit - your pick"

american goes first says "I got 100 bucks no problem." pays up and is set free.

russian comes next : "I don't have that much money but i've taken a few beatings in my life, i'll go for that option". He's been given a hard beating by most tribe members then he is set free.

romanian comes next:" well i don't have that much money and I'm sure not going to beat up so I'll try the bucket of shit"

he starts chugging, but mid way he gets sick, say "I can't do it anymore, it's going to kill me - I'd rather take the beating"

Tribe gets to work on him and about 10 minutes in, in agonizing pain he starts screaming "OK!OK! STOP IT NOW, HERE'S 100$, JUST LET ME GO!"

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Genie: I will grant you two wishes.

Guy: two? It’s always three, right?

Genie: look at your crotch.

Guy: Damn, that’s a huge dick that I have now.

Genie: I’ve been doing this for centuries. I know my business.

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I once met a girl with twelve nipples

Sounds strange dozen tit

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What’s the difference between an American and a computer?

An American doesn’t have trouble-shooting.

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Found a bunch of kittens in a suitcase on the street and immediately rang the RSPCA...

They asked, “are they moving?”.

I said, “I’m not sure, but it would explain the suitcase”.

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One of my favorites!

A boy walks up to his dad and asks, "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potentially and realistically?" The dad responds with, "go ask your mom, sister and brother if they would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars." The boy goes and asks his mother and she says, " I really love your dad, but it is $1 million and Brad Pitt is gorgeous. Yes I would do it! He goes to his sister and she says," psh you wouldn't have to pay me to sleep with him, so yeah I would do it." Lastly the boy goes to his brother and asks him the same question and the brother says, "you know, I'm not gay but a million dollars is a million dollars so yeah why not!" The boy returns to the father and the father asks, "did you get your question answered?" The boy says, " yeah I did! Potentially we are sitting on 3 million dollars, realistically, we are living with 2 whores and a homo."

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Three guys are working on an oil rig ...

Three roughnecks - John, Lonnie, and Donnie - were working on a rig in the oilfield... While they were working one day, John falls off the rig tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance picks up his dead body and drives away, Lonnie says, "Somebody needs to go and tell his wife." Donnie replied, "I'll do it. I'm good with this sensitive stuff."
Two hours later Donnie returns with a case of beer. Lonnie asked him, "Where'd you get the beer?" Donnie told him John's wife gave it to him. Lonnie replies, flabbergasted, "Unbelievable! You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"
Donnie said, "Not exactly, Lonnie. When she answered the door, I asked her 'Are you John's widow'. She says, 'You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.'"
"And then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of beer you are.'"

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