Canada and Mexico.
Thứ Hai, 17 tháng 8, 2020
Donald Trump, Queen Elizabeth II and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
Satan decides to let each of them to call their own countries, but at a cost. Queen Elizabeth speaks to the U.K Government for 30 minutes and pays 1 million dollars. Vladimir Putin speaks with the Russian Government for an hour and pays 2 million dollars. Donald Trump speaks with the American Government for 2 hours and only pays 300 dollars.
Upon hearing this, Putin went ballistic and demanded that Satan tell him why Donald had to pay so less but get to talk more. Satan answered simply, "Ever since Donald Trump became U.S President, he has turned America into a hell-hole, so it's a local call."
A man goes into confession on his way home from the gold course
Forgive me Father I have sinned.
Tell me what happened son
Well, I used the Lords name in vain. I was out golfing this morning and hit the most beautiful drive of my life, straight as an arrow, it must've carried 300 yards, right down the middle of the fairway.
So you got a little too excited and cursed?
No, that's not all of it. Right after the ball stopped, a squirrel ran out, grabbed my ball and bolted back for the trees.
Ah, I see. So you got angry at the squirrel
No, there's more. Before the squirrel could get to the trees, a huge hawk swooped down, picked up the squirrel and flew off with it.
Ok, that has to be it right? You got angry at the hawk?
Nope... right as the hawk got over the green, the squirrel shook itself loose. When it hit the ground, it dropped the ball which rolled across the green and stopped 10 inches from the cup.
You missed the god damn putt didn't you?
A man stores his money in a bank
A well looking man is at the bank and wants to deposit 100.000$, the bank manager gets closer to him and says:
"I have notice that you deposit huge amounts of cash every few days, is it OK if I ask, where to do find the money?"
"I'm betting" says the man
"what kind of betting?"
"let's put a bet to see, for 2.000$ the next Monday I will come back and I will have cut my balls"
The bank manager thinks about it and desited that there is no way the man will cut his balls for 2.000$ so he agrees.
The days passed and the man gets back to the bank all smiling, the bank manager gets close to him and says:
"So, you did it? did I lost?"
"you can check for your self" says the man, and the bank manager put his hand in the pants to check if the man still had his balls, and quite predictable, he still had his balls.
"I don't get it, you just lost 2.000$"
"yes" says the man, "but do you see the clerk at the door crying?"
"yes, why? "
"well, as I was coming here, I put a bet with him for 10.000$ that his boss will be touching my balls in 10 minutes"
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