Son : Dad, how do I catch fish?

Dad : Just throw this clickbait into the water

Son : And then what?

Dad : What happens next will shock you

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English puns make me numb.

But Math puns make me number.

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Two marble statues of a man an a woman facing each other stand in an old park for centuries.

God looks at them from the above. He feels sorry for them – they're looking at each other all those centuries and yet couldn't do anything more since they're made from marble – so one night, when nobody's around to see, he turns them into living couple and says:

"Okay. I made you alive and I'm letting you do whatever you feel like doing – for ten minutes. After that, I'm turning you back to marble statues!"

Delighted and giggling, the now alive couple quickly dashes to the nearest bushes. Moans and orgasmic noises can be heard. Ten minutes pass and they come out of the bushes all messy, but also smiling, relieved, and satisfied.

Looking at them all smiling, God feels sorry for them again and says:

"Okay, okay, you have another ten minutes!"

While the couple runs back towards the bushes, one turns towards the other and says:

"This time YOU're holding the pigeon and I'm shitting on it!"

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If the mantises are always praying, what is their religion?

It varies, they're all in sects.

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I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many.”

“That one is a freebie.

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Earlier I was beaten up by a woman.

I was on an elevator and she entered. She has big boobs and I was staring at them when she said "Can you please press one".

So I did.

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My wife beamed at me with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!“

I said, “This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter.”

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