When a bullet kills someone, you know it’s been fired.
Thứ Tư, 26 tháng 8, 2020
Two straight couples and a gay couple are having a party on a boat, when the boat sinks and they all drown.
Two straight couples and a gay couple are having a party on a boat, when the boat sinks and they all drown. They all arrive at heaven’s gates together, and line up in front of St. Peter. The first straight couple approaches and asks, “Can we get into heaven?” St. Peter checks his book, and grimly replies: “No. You loved money so much, that you married a woman named Penny.” With that, he banishes them to hell. The second straight couple goes next, with the same question... “can we get into heaven?” Once again, St. Peter shakes his head: “No. You loved sweets so much, that you married a woman named Candy.” Again, he banishes them to hell. At this point one of the gay men nervously turns to his partner and whispers: “I gotta say.. this doesn’t look good, Dick.”
A Catholic priest, a Buddhist monk, and an atheist walk into a restaurant.
After they put in their orders, the three strike up a conversation about what they believe awaits them in the afterlife.
The priest says, "I try to live my life according to God's word, so that I may go to the good Lord in heaven and live in paradise for all of eternity. I do not curse, I forgive freely, and I pray continually However, I know I am a sinner at heart, and I deserve to burn in hell like the rest of us."
The atheist replies, "Don't worry, that's probably bullshit. There is nothing waiting for us after death, only the void and nothingness. That's why I try to live my life to the fullest."
The two of them ask the monk, who had been silent up to that point, what he believed. The monk started, "Well, I certainly won't be seeing the afterlife anytime soon. I have lived a bad life, however, I am trying to earn enough good karma to reincarnate into a better life. If I earn enough good karma, then maybe I can eventually go to the afterlife."
"Well how are you supposed to do that?" asked the atheist.
Just then, the group is interrupted by the waitress with their meals. For the priest, there is a meal of bread and wine. For the atheist, a hearty plate of ribs sits in front of him. For the monk, there is nothing but a slice of cake on his plate.
In response to two puzzled looks, the monk quickly says, "There's no easier way to earn karma than to have a cake day."
Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home
Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes
Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!
Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...
Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.
my bad pops, sorry.. shuts the door
Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the kitchen!
Our pot head rushes to the kitchen, opens the door and sees the same thing, his father is sitting there and reading a newspaper.
Uhm... sorry pops... *shuts the door *
Shit, he is fast.... Then I am going to hide in the balcony!!
Rushes to the balcony, opens the door and the same thing... dad sitting there with the newspaper... but before he gets to apologize his pops goes
Son, you open the bathroom door one more time, I am gonna come out and beat the shit out of you.
I did my best to translate this joke from Armenian to English. Sorry for my bad grammar.
Jane asking Tarzan about his sex life
"Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied.
Jane then explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."
Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly."
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
"Here" she said, pointing to her privates,"you must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her as hard as he could in the crotch.
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed: "What the bloody hell did you do that for?
"Check for squirrel." he responds
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