That’s a lot of pressure.
Chủ Nhật, 30 tháng 8, 2020
A woman asked why her husband had been coming up with so many silly dad jokes recently.
He admitted to her that, since they had kids, their sex life had grown a bit stale.
Laughing, she grabbed a peach from the kitchen counter and pulled him toward her.
Slowly, seductively, she ate it while staring into his eyes, sucking the last of the pulp from the pit.
Then, while he stared on in disbelief, she used the pit to masturbate to completion, moaning all the while as she longingly stared at him.
When she finished, she gently beckoned him with her finger. He stood over her, slack-jawed, as she leaned back on the counter.
"So, what do you think about that, Mr. Dad Jokes?" she said with a smirk.
He grinned. "That...was mother fucking hard core."
Contagious
Little Johnnie was going back to school after the covid lockdown. First day of school, teacher wanted to talk about how contagious Covid-19 is so she wanted to do a class participation with her students and they had to come up with an example of the word "contagious".
"Class, can anyone here give me an example of the word contagious?" Little Johnnie puts up his hand but the teacher knows better not to ask him so she sees little Susie put up her hand.
Teacher: "Yes Susie, what is your example?" Susie: "If you are closer than 6 feet of someone who is contagious with Covid-19, there's a good chance you to can catch it." Teacher: "Excellent example Susie. Anyone else?"
She sees once again Little Johnnie put up his hand and the teacher really doesn't want to pick him but to her amazement, no one else had their hands up so she had no choice but to pick him.
Teacher: "Ok Johnnie, what is your example?" Little Johnnie: "The other day my dad and I were at the front of our house watching 92 year old Ms. Hollstein mowing her large lawn. My dad mumbled to himself 'its gonna take that cunt ages to finish cutting all that grass.'"
Russian joke: a tourist gets pulled over by a cop in Russia.
Cop: You were speeding! I am going to confiscate your driver's license and I'm calling for a tow truck to take away your car.
Tourist: But I need to get to the airport and the car is a rental!
Cop: I dont care.
Tourist: Please, be be reasonable, you cant do this!
Cop: Well, you can file an appeal. Here write it on this paper, but it has to be in Russian.
Tourist: But I dont know any Russian!
Cop: Not my problem.
The tourist takes the piece of paper and starts pacing around the car. In desperation, he takes a $50 bill out of his wallet, wraps it in the paper and hands it to the cop.
Cop: I see you already wrote half of the appeal! And you said you didn't know any Russian!
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