FunnyStory about animals and all around the world
Funny Video about animals and all around the world! :)
Funny picture about animals and all around the world :)
Play game and comfortable :)
Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.
The Englishman says to him in a cut-glass accent "I'm terribly sorry, my good fellow, would you very much mind repeating that in the Queen's English?"
And the shepherd says "I'm terribly sorry sir, I was only asking if you would like to borrow this tin cup and get a proper drink?"
Genie: I see you're short. Would you like to increase your height?
Me: Yes, please! I would give anything to increase my height.
Genie: Alright then, for every inch I increase your height, I'll reduce an inch of your penis. So, by how much do you want to increase your height?
Me: Negative 12 inches.
And gets pulled over by an Irish cop. This hotshot sure knows he's better educated and definitely smarter than some random Irish cop. He decides to prove to himself how smart he is while having some fun at the cop.
Irish cop:"License and registration, please."
"What for?", lawyer asks.
Irish cop says:"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
Lawyer:"But I slowed down and there was nobody on road - none was coming."
Irish cop:"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign! License and registration, please!"
Lawyer:"Okay, but what's the difference? Where's the problem?"
Cop:"The difference is, ye havte come to a complete stop at the stop sign, that's the law! You didnae and that's the problem! License and registration, please!"
The lawyer says:"So, listen, if you can show me the difference between slowing down and full stop, you win, I give you license, registration and take the ticket. If you can't, you can't write me anything and I just go my way."
Irish cop looks at him and says:"Okay sir, that's fine, please just step out of the car now."
Lawyer steps out of the car with a smirk on his face ready to get in car and leave, but cop quickly pulls out his baton and beats the living shit out of the guy, takes a breath and say:"Daeye want me to slow down or perhaps a full stop would be better?"
One turns to the other and asks, "Is this whiskey?"
The other replies, "Yeah, but not as wisky as wobbing a bank."
A drunk stumbles into an upscale bar on a slow night. He asks the bartender for a drink and says, “I can’t pay you, but I’ll play you a song on that piano.” The bartender says what the hell and gives the man a shot of cheap whiskey. To his surprise, the drunk sits down at the piano and plays one of the most beautiful, heartrending melodies he’s ever heard.
“That’s amazing,” says the barkeep. “What is that beautiful song?”
“I wrote it myself. It’s called ‘I Came in Her Hair.’”
The bartender laughs and says, “Play me another.”
So the drunk plays another tune, this one a real toe-tapping, catchy melody. The bartender can see the customers are really enjoying it.
“You write that one too?”
“Yep. It’s called, ‘Fresh Bowl of Turds.’”
“Charming. Listen, we just lost our piano player. I’ll keep you in as much cheap whiskey as you can drink any time you come in here and play. But, you can’t tell anyone what your songs are called.”
“Deal.”
So for a few weeks everything goes great. The drunk comes in almost every night, wows the crowd with his original songs, and drinks his fill. Until one night, he’s already stinking drunk when he comes in. He plays as well as ever, but he looks like hell.
After a couple of songs and drinks, he takes a break and goes into the men’s room. When he comes out, he looks even worse and on his way back the bench he bumps into a customer.
“My goodness,” she says. “You know there’s vomit on your shirt and your dick’s hanging out?”
“Know them? -- I fucking wrote them!”