the table has 20 cookies. The CEO takes 19 cookies and says to the laborer, “look out, that immigrant is trying to take your cookie!”
Thứ Ba, 8 tháng 9, 2020
A girl walks into the confession stand in a church...
Girl: “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”
Priest: “What have you done my child?”
Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”
Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”
Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he touched my breast.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: “Yes father.
Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!”
Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “But father he had AIDS!”
Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”
The Perfect Penis
One day little Johnny came home from school and asked his father what a penis was. His father looked at him and said, "Well, I guess you're big enough to know, I'll just show you." So his dad unzips, and says, "You see that Johnny, that's a penis, and it's a perfect penis at that, got it?" So the next day at school, little Johnny is on the playground talking about penises, when little Sally walks up, and asks Johnny what a penis is. Little Johnny looks at Sally and says, "Well, I guess you're big enough to know." So little Johnny unzips, and says, "You see that Sally, that's a penis, and if it were only three inches shorter, it would be a perfect penis."
I went to a pub and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code.
"Oh no," he said, "there's no wifi in here; people used to sit talking in pubs about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot - now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see; therefore, no wifi in this pub."
"You know what?" I replied, "You're right!" and I put my phone away.
"Thank you," the landlord said, "In this pub I want you to act as you would thirty or forty years ago."
So I lit a cigarette, gave him £1 for the pint and said, "No fucking problem mate."
Girl: What are your plans for today?
Boy: Me and a friend of mine are going to buy some glasses.
Girl: And after that?
Boy: And after that we'll see.
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