I feel desserted
Thứ Bảy, 17 tháng 10, 2020
3-Italian Nuns Go To Heaven
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six-months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be." The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren." And 'poof' she's gone. The second says, "I want to be Madonna and 'poof' she's gone. The third says, "I want to be Alberta Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who ?", he asks "Alberta Pipalini," replies the nun. St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell." The nun then takes a newspaper out and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Alberta Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
A 70-year-old woman chose to remain overnight in a costly hotel as a treat for her birthday.
The following morning, she was appalled when the desk clerk gave her a bill for $250.00. She requested to know why the charge was too high.
"It's a nice hotel, but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast," she told the clerk.
The clerk clarified that $250.00 is the standard rate. At that point, the older lady insisted on talking with the manager.
The manager showed up and explained that the hotel "has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."
"But I didn't use them," the old woman said.
"Well, they are here, and you could have," he replied.
The manager proceeded with that she could likewise have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous.
"We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here," he said.
"But I didn't go to any of those shows," she said.
The manager replied, "Well, we have them, and you could have."
Regardless of what facility he recommended, the older lady would just answer, "But I didn't use it!"
The manager then countered with his standard reaction. After several minutes of contending with him, she chose to pay.
The manager was shocked when she gave the check to him. "But madam, this check is for only $50.00," he said.
"That is right. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me," the old lady replied.
"But I didn't!" the manager shouted.
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."
I was seriously depressed after a recent loss. My GF bought me an Xbox
But that didn't help. So she tried a Playstation - no luck there either. She ended up going through everything from a Sega Master System to a Nintendo Switch, but nothing helped - turns out I was just inconsolable
2 middle aged women go out on the town for a girls night out
At the end of the night, they both have been drinking so much that they decide to walk home. Halfway home, they both have to piss pretty badly. Nothing is open at 3AM, so they duck into a graveyard they’re passing by to squat behind a couple of tombstones. They both realize that they have nothing to wipe with, so one takes off her panties and uses them, leaving them behind; the other one grabs a ribbon from a nearby wreath and uses it. They both stumble home, part ways, and crash into bed.
The next morning, while they’re sleeping it off, one woman’s husband calls the other and says: “I’m worried about these girl’s night outs, my wife came home last night very late, and she wasn’t wearing any panties!” The other husband says: “You think that’s bad? My wife showed up late last night with a ribbon between her butt cheeks that says: ‘From all of us at the fire department: Thanks for the memories!’”
My wife told me that she was pregnant with twin girls.
I told her that I wanted to name the first one Kate. She asked what I wanted to name the second one. I answered Duplicate.
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