A guy goes into the US Postal Services to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee." "OK, have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour." The interviewer says, "that will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?" The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Disabled in your country's service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points!! Looking at the regulations...

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Two doctor jokes

I went to the doctor the other day. He told me I could have a stroke at any time. It was nice of him to give me permission to masturbate like that! ​ I went to the doctor for a checkup the other day. The Doctor walked in looking at his clipboard and said "Well, it looks like you're gonna have to stop masturbating". I replied "Why? Is it a health risk?" The doctor replied "No, but this is a doctor's office and it's very inappropriate."...

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Me and my girlfriend went to visit her parents

She(whispering) : Don't tell my dad about us having sex. He will freak out about me getting pregnant. Me : Don't worry , I got this. Later- Her Dad : Hey man , you comming inside? Me(panicking): Whaaattttt NO , I would never......

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Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine

He inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.”...

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Daddy, do all fairy tales start with Once upon a time?

No dear, there’s a whole series of fairly tales that start with “If elected, I promise”....

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A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm...

"I'd like to buy a horth" he says. "What sort of horse?" asks the owner. "A female horth." The owner shows him a mare. "Nithe horth," says the dwarf. "Can I thee her eyth?" The owner picks him up and shows him the eyes. "Nithe eyth, can I thee her teeth?" The owner picks him up and shows the teeth. "Nithe teeth. Now can I thee her twot?" The owner picks him up and shoves him head deep inside the horses' vagina, then pulls him out. The dwarf shakes his head and says "Perhaps I should weefwaze that... Can I thee her wun awound!!"...

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I asked my phone "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said "I'm Alexa you moron."...

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