2 midgets decide to go get prostitutes

2 midgets decide to go out and get some prostitutes and bring them back to their hotel rooms. the first one, despite how hard he tried, could not get it up. To make matters worse, all he heard from his friend in the other room was "okay, here I come again, one..... two..... three...... UGHHHHH!" After over an hour of trying he decided to just tell the prostitute to leave and go to bed. In the morning he goes outside for a smoke and he sees his buddy sitting outside already. Midget 1: Man my night was shot, no matter how hard I tried I could not...

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A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives...

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Why does a bride always cry at her wedding?

Cus she never marries the best man...

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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich...

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says… “Hang on! You're a duck!” "I see your eyes are working.” replies the duck. "And you can talk!!” exclaims the barman. "I see your ears are working, too.” says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?" "Certainly. Sorry about that.” says the barman, as he pulls the duck's pint. "It's just, we don't get many a ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?" "I'm working on the building site across the...

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Fat shaming is wrong.

They have enough on their plate already...

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A lad was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 180mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 180, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found...

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A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday

"I need to inspect your farm for illegally growing drugs." I said "Okay, but don't go in that field over there ..", The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face. "See this fucking badge ?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish. On any land! No questions asked or answers given !! Have I made myself clear ?. do you understand? !!" I nodded politely, apologized, and went...

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