I sighed and explained it to him in great detail. He then looked at me perplexed and said "well what about Tigger?"
Thứ Bảy, 16 tháng 1, 2021
Jesus and Satan disputed on a typing contest
Satan had a last generation computer, three monitors, two keyboards, he was a beast dishing out words, typing whole paragraphs in seconds, everyone was astonished by his typing skills.
Jesus had a pentium IV, barely finding the letters and slowly typing with only his index fingers. Everyone was sure about the outcome and feared for the fate of humanity.
The bigger text after one hour would take the prize, at the 59' minute mark Satan had typed 3000 pages of text while Jesus was barely finishing his second, when suddenly the lights went out and both computers reset.
When it all came back, Satan had lost all his work and Jesus, with his 1 and a half page was the winner of the clash.
Moral of the story: Only Jesus saves
My wife died.
After she died, I couldn't even look at another woman for almost 20 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it.
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.
On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. "Well sister, this looks pretty grim." "I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two." "I agree." "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?" "Anything father." "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours." "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm." The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. "Sister would you mind if I touched them?" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. "Father, could I ask something of you?" "Yes sister?" "I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?" "I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe. "Oh father, may I touch it?" This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life." "Is that true father?" "Yes it is, sister." "Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and lets get the hell out of here."
Guy walks into a Doc's office
He says, "Doc I got this feeling something's eating away at my guts."
The Doc takes a look and says, "Oh no... What you've got is a rare hookworm. The thing is we can't just pull it out. It's hooked in there nice and good. We've got to coax it into coming out so we can grab it. Now you're just gonna have to trust me with this treatment."
The guy replies, "Do whatever you've got to do Doc, just get it out!"
So the Doc solemnly nods, then he takes a sandwich and shoves it in the guy's butt. Then he takes a cookie and shoves it in right after. The poor guy is whimpering but he trusts the Doc. The Doc pats him on the shoulder and says "Come back tomorrow, and we'll continue the treatment."
So the next day it's the same thing. First in goes the sandwhich, then in goes the cookie. The guy's hating his life, but the Doc assures him "Come back again tomorrow and hopefully we'll get you sorted out."
On the third day, the guy comes back to the Doc's office and as usual in goes the sandwich - but this time the Doc takes an apple and shoves it in after it.
The hookworm immediately pops his head out and says, "HEY, where's my fuckin' COOKIE??!"
Sorry if this joke is a repost. My wife told it to me yesterday and I had to share it. Keep laughing everybody, especially in hard times <3
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