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Thứ Sáu, 26 tháng 2, 2021

I told my psychologist I am scared off living in tall buildings

Apparently it's an Apartment Complex

My girlfriend said I'm terrible in bed

But it's unfair to make a conclusion in 17 seconds

“Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.” “OK, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the doc soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.”

“But, Doc, I’ve been screwing the maid, too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.”

“Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor.

“Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife now has it, too.”

“Son of a bitch!” the physician roared. “That means we’ve all got it!”

Did you hear about the cannibalistic lion?

He swallowed his pride.

A boy, his father and his mother are having dinner. But the boy doesn't want to eat his broccoli.

  • Eat your broccoli! - says the mother.

  • No! - exclaims the boy.

The father then leans toward the boy and whispers something in his ear. The boy quickly eats his broccoli and goes into his room.

  • What did you tell him?

  • I told him that if he didn't ate his broccoli, his dick wouldn't grow.

The woman then stands up and slaps the man as hard as she can.

  • What was that for? - he asks, confused.

  • FOR NOT EATING YOUR BROCCOLI WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD!

Did you guys know that squirrels die after sex?

It's kind of a pain, you have to find a new one every time.

The Will

His nurse, his wife, his daughter, and two sons, are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready, he begins to speak:

"My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses."

"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier."

"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bay side on Blackwater Sound."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings and, as Doug slips away, the nurse says, "Mrs. Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.”

The wife replies, "Property? What property? The asshole has a paper route."