It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
Thứ Hai, 15 tháng 3, 2021
I went on a date with a blonde woman last night.
"Do you have any kids?" she asked. "Yes," I replied. "I have one child that's just under two." She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."
Guy walks into a bar with a box under his arm, sets it on the bartop and orders a beer. Curious, the bartender asks about the box and the man replies 'it's my pet octopus. He just got done teaching music lessons so I stopped in for a drink on the way home.'
Bartender doesn't believe it and asks for proof. "Sure," the man says. "bring me any instrument, and this octopus will play it beautifully."
Bartender produces several instruments from behind the bar, and the man opens up the box, sets the octopus on the bar and it immediately begins playing each one like a virtuoso, nearly bringing the bartender to tears with it's skill.
"Amazing." Says the bartender. "I've got my family's bagpipes, do you think your octopus could manage that?"
"Let's see." Said the man as the bagpipes were laid gently next to the octopus.
Instead of playing, the octopus starts to use it's tentacles to thoroughly inspect the pipes, occasionally producing a tiny squeak.
"Well? Aren't you going to play it?" The man asks the octopus.
"Play it?" Replies the octopus. "As soon I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna have sex with it!"
I had twelve bottles of whisky...
...and my wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else!
So, I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass... which I drank.
I extracted the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with the exception of one glass... which I drank.
I pulled the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink, with the exception of one glass... which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the fourth sink and poured the bottle down the glass... which I drank.
I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass.
I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork from the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine. To make sure I counted them again... they came to seventy-four.
And as the house came by, I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses and bottles and corks and sinks and glasses counted, except one house and one cork... which l drank.
Chủ Nhật, 14 tháng 3, 2021
A soap factory had a problem.
They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem. Six months, and $8 million later, they had a fantastic solution - on time, on budget, and high quality. Everyone in the project was pleased.
They solved the problem by using a high-tech precision scale that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a soap box weighed less than it should. The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the defective box, and then press another button to re-start the line. As a result of the new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being shipped out of the factory.
A while later, the CEO decides to look at the first week report. Since the scales were put in place, no empty boxes had been shipped out of the factory. Each day about a dozen defective boxes were being removed, which was consistent with the projections. There were almost zero customer complaints and they were gaining market share. The CEO felt the $8 million was well spent.
However, the number of defective boxes picked up by the scales dropped to zero after three weeks. He filed a bug against it and after some investigation, the engineers came back saying the report was actually correct. The scales really weren't picking up any defects because all boxes that got to that point in the conveyor belt were good.
Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed, and observed just ahead of the new $8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that was about.
"Oh, that," the supervisor replied, "Bert, the kid from maintenance, put it there because he was tired of walking over, removing the box and re-starting the line every time the bell rang."
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