Guy walks into a bar with a box under his arm, sets it on the bartop and orders a beer. Curious, the bartender asks about the box and the man replies 'it's my pet octopus. He just got done teaching music lessons so I stopped in for a drink on the way home.'

Bartender doesn't believe it and asks for proof. "Sure," the man says. "bring me any instrument, and this octopus will play it beautifully."

Bartender produces several instruments from behind the bar, and the man opens up the box, sets the octopus on the bar and it immediately begins playing each one like a virtuoso, nearly bringing the bartender to tears with it's skill.

"Amazing." Says the bartender. "I've got my family's bagpipes, do you think your octopus could manage that?"

"Let's see." Said the man as the bagpipes were laid gently next to the octopus.

Instead of playing, the octopus starts to use it's tentacles to thoroughly inspect the pipes, occasionally producing a tiny squeak.

"Well? Aren't you going to play it?" The man asks the octopus.

"Play it?" Replies the octopus. "As soon I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna have sex with it!"