He said, “Those are to keep your shirt closed.”
Thứ Năm, 22 tháng 4, 2021
So Tod goes to a new truckers joint...
He sits down and the waiter approaches him.
Do you want to hear the daily specials sir? He asks.
"No thank you", says Todd, "let me smell your hand and I'll tell you want I'd like today".
So the waiter reluctantly proceeds to offer his hand to be smelled by this weird customer.
Todd says, I'll have the fried chicken with spicy paprika mashed potatoes.
The waiter is impressed, he thinks to himself: how does this guys know that's on the menu!
Todd has his lunch, pays the check and leaves.
Next day, Todd walks in again, and again he asks to smell the same waiter's hand.
This day, he says, I'll have the catfish with a side of salad.
Again, the waiter is dumbfounded by this guy's sense of smell. Todd gets his lunch, eats it, pays the bill and leaves.
The next day, surely Todd walks in, but this time the waiter has something planned.
The waiter goes to the kitchen and says to the kitchen lady, "ok Mary, come here" he proceeds to put his hand under her skirt (you know where) and goes to attend Todd.
Would you like to hear today's specials? says the Waiter
No, thank you, let me smell your hand and I'll tell you what I'll have.
So the waiter offers his hand with a smirk in his face, Todd smells it and exclaims:
"I didn't know Mary worked here!"
(hope it translates well)
A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday
A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.
She says, ’Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'
He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you
Everything from the sound it makes.'
She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.
She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please..' The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'
He replies, 'Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00,but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50
Thứ Tư, 21 tháng 4, 2021
A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:
"Is there a doctor in the building?!"
He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.
"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."
"How do you feel?" asks the doctor.
"Nauseous," says the guest, "I just threw up my whole meal and I still feel sick and lightheaded."
"What did you eat?" says the doctor, suspecting a case of fast-acting food poisoning.
"The chicken lo mein, number 9, and some dumplings."
At this point the other guest emerges from the bathroom.
"What did you eat today?" asks the doctor.
"I had egg rolls and chicken lo mein," he says.
As a third patron hurries toward the bathroom, the doctor tells the other two to have a seat, and urgently asks exactly how many people ordered the chicken lo mein. The manager counts up the orders.
"Seven."
The sick patrons are starting to look worryingly unwell. Fearing they may have contracted some deadly, unknown disease, the doctor instructs the manager to call an ambulance, and get the rest of the patrons out, so he can spread the sick customers out and attend to them.
"We can't kick everybody out!" protests the manager. "We need the money. We were closed all last year for Covid and this restaurant is heavily in debt."
Seeing that he won't get far with this approach, the doctor racks his brain for where he can put seven people until paramedics arrive. He remembers that the rest of the building is occupied by a hotel. He rushes out the door, into the hotel to the front desk to ask if they can spare a room.
"We have a conference room on the first floor, but it's booked at 4pm, so I can't let you use it." The clerk at the front desk is uncooperative.
The manager comes up behind him and tells him that an ambulance is on its way, and that five of the people who ate the lo mein are showing symptoms; two seem perfectly fine.
"Please," the doctor begs, "I need a place to put a bunch of sick people from the restaurant next door before the ambulances arrive."
"When do you need it?" the desk clerk asks.
"Now, I need it now!"
"And for how long?"
"Two hours at most."
"Why do you need it again?"
Exasperated, the doctor starts over. "Now listen carefully, because I'm not going to repeat myself again.
I need the room from 1 to 3 for five sick, seven ate 9!"
A Boob, a Vagina and an Asshole are debating
Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the
opposite sex, that's why I am the greatest.
Vagina: That's nothing.
I give birth to babies, and can accommodate the opposite sex.
That's why I'm the greatest.
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Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to speak.
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