FunnyStory about animals and all around the world
Funny Video about animals and all around the world! :)
Funny picture about animals and all around the world :)
Play game and comfortable :)
Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.
A deer enters a bar and sits by the bartender. "Whatever's on tap, and keep them coming. I lost a patient today."
The bartender brings over a drink and says, "That's really rough. But I've never met a deer that's a medical practitioner. How did that happen?"
The deer replied, "Well I came from a impoverished part of the forest. It was difficult to get food, difficult to get water, and difficult to find shelter. Nothing came with ease, that's for sure."
"And a deer with no ease becomes a dr."
All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "Okay, what I'm going to do is rub some honey over the tip of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis, I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The lady said, "Yes, whatever, just get on with it." So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, entered the woman. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should try further." The lady began to quiver with excitement, moaning aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself. The husband became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"
A Catholic priest is called away by a family emergency one day, while on duty attending confession. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he asks his friend, a rabbi from the synagogue across the street, if he can fill in for him. The rabbi says he wouldn't know what to do, so the priest agrees to stay with him for a few minutes and show him the ropes. They enter their half of the confessional together and soon enough, a woman enters and says, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned." "What did you do?" asks the priest. "I have committed adultery," she replies. "How many times?" continues the priest. "Three times." "Do three Hail Marys, put $5 in the poor-box, and sin no more," finishes the priest. The woman leaves and not long after a man enters and says, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned." "What did you do?" "I have committed adultery." "How many times?" "Three times." "Do three Hail Marys, put $5 in the poor-box, and sin no more." The man leaves. The rabbi tells the priest he thinks he's got it figured out now, so the priest leaves, and the rabbi waits until another woman enters the confessional, who says, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned." "What did you do," asks the rabbi. "I have committed adultery," she replies. "How many times?" "Twice." "I tell you what," says the rabbi. "Go do it one more time and come back. We got a special this week, three for $5!"
He asks the nurse why is he doing so. The nurse explains to him that if he doesn't masturbate every 6 hours there would be a clot and he would die. Then in the next room, he sees a nurse giving a blowjob to a guy. He then says, "You will have to explain this." The nurse replies, "Same problem better insurance."
So the manager takes him up to the piano and says 'OK show me what you can do'
The pianist says
'Sure, but the music might be unfamiliar to you because I only play my own compositions'
The manager says
'That's no problem, take it away'
The pianist begins to play the most emotionally stirring piece of music the manager has ever heard. It's achingly beautiful and almost brings a tear to the managers eye.
Choking back tears the manager says 'That is beautiful, what to do you call it?'
The pianist replies 'I fucked your mother in the ass and she shit on my balls'
The manager is slightly taken aback and says
'Well that is quite the title...Can you play something else?'
The pianist begins to play. Again the music is hauntingly beautiful, it's as though angels from heaven were dancing on the keys
The manager, again holding back tears asks what it's called. The pianist replies
'There's blood on my cock from fucking your slut sister on her period'
The manager is again taken aback and asks him to play a final piece. This piece is even more beautiful than the last, and again the manager asks what it is called. The pianist replies
'You shoved your shit into your grandmothers cunt, while I fucked your grandfather in the mouth'
The manager replies
'Well, I'm going to have to hire you even if your titles are somewhat unusual. You can start this Friday'
So Friday rolls around and the pianist arrives and is seated at his piano about to play when a woman with huge breasts and a low cut top walks by. The pianist is intensely aroused, and quickly runs off to the toilet to masturbate. He quickly finishes and is running back to the piano, unfortunately forgetting to clean himself up properly.
As he is just about to sit back down at the piano a woman comes up to him and says,
'Excuse me sir, do you know your cock is hanging out and there is semen all over your pants?'
The pianist replies,
'Know it?...I fucking wrote it!'
The Englishman boasts he's gotten laid with 27 different partners this year.
"What about you?" he asks the Welshman, who promptly falls asleep.