A king suspected that his queen was being unfaithful

So he secretly taped a tiny razor blade to her vagina. Three days later, he ordered his knights to drop their pants. They all had bandaged penises, except for one. The king said to him, "I always knew you were my most loyal knight!" He replied, "It wath nothing, your magethy"...

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I used to live paycheck to paycheck

But now I can happily say that after years of hard work and perseverance; I now live direct deposit to direct deposit....

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What kind of pet shop is this?

Joe loved his dog. Only one problem - his dog wasn’t housebroken. Joe tried everything, read every dog training book, bought every device on the market. But the dog was untrainable. Finally, he saw an ad for a pet shop that guaranteed results. Desperate, he gave it a try. The pet shop was very weird. Inside, half the shop was full of bones and dog treats. The other half of the shop was full of dildos, sex toys, and lubricant. It seemed the shop sold both. In the middle, behind the register, was a pleasant-looking man holding an old leather book. Joe...

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Gender roles are changing. Nowadays some women get mad when you hold a car door open.

Particularly the ones on bikes....

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A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard...

…and all of a sudden he hears in music... ​ No one is around, so he starts searching for the source... ​ He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827"... ​ Then he realises that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backwards... ​ Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him... ​ By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed... ​ This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous...

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Satan arrives to welcome a new damned soul to hell.

"Congratulations!", he says, "You wasted your entire pitiful life!" "Well," the man replies, "at least I'm not a adult living in my father's basement."...

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Racial Humor

An Irish man is sitting at a bar, then a Chinese man sits down next to him. The Chinese takes a drink, the the Irish man says to him, "do you know Kung fu?". The Chinese man says, "why because I'm Chinese? That's just racist!". The Irish man says, "No, I ask because you're drinking my beer"....

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