There’s no winning, it’s just about how long you last
Thứ Bảy, 17 tháng 7, 2021
When I was about 9 years old
When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.
Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it.'
Then he passed his hand over my head and left. My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person.
When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
I was so traumatized I couldn't sleep properly. I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone.
I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years. I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years.
It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear. Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life. . . . . . . . . . . .
The dead bastard had a twin
Thứ Sáu, 16 tháng 7, 2021
"How would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
While teaching a class a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying: "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said: "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back."
"That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
Johnny said: "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."
One unfortunate night, a pregnant woman gets shot 3 times in the stomach,
She goes to the doctor and luckily everything was fine. She gave birth to triplets, all healthy. 2 girls and one boy.
......fast forward 15 years later......
One girl rushed to her mother and complained "mom, I was peeing today and a bullet came out" The mother sat her down and explained everything to her. The next day, the other girl came rushing to her mother with the same complaint "mom, i was peeing today and a bullet came out. Again, the mother sat her down and explained everything that happened. The next day the boy came rushing to his mother, "mom, you'll never guess what just happened". The mom replied "you were peeing and a bullet came out?" "What? No". Replied the boy "I was having a wank and I shot the dog
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
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