"Congratulations! You delivered a boy and a girl!" The nurse said. "That's great! Who named them?" She asked. "Your husband did. He named the boy Jason." "I like that. What about the girl?" "Jadaughter."
Thứ Sáu, 30 tháng 7, 2021
Escaped prisoner robbing a Couple
After being in prison for 15 years, a man escapes. He breaks into a house to look for money & guns but finds a young couple in bed. He orders the man out of the bed ties him to a chair. He tied the girl to the bed and kisses her neck. Then he gets up & goes into the bathroom. The husband tells his wife: "Listen,this guy's a dangerous escaped convict! He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants to F*$ You,don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you or he might kill us. Be strong, honey. I Love You." The wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I LOVE YOU TOO!
Was having dinner with the in laws and the MIL said ….
….’How many potatoes would you like?’
I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’
She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cunt”
In an alcohol factory the regular tester died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position. The director of the factory wondered how to send him away. They tested him. They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,”It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.” “That’s correct”, said the boss. Another glass.”It’s red wine, cabernet, eight years old, a south western slope, oak barrels.” “Correct.”The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something. She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. “It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, made inside the office. And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll also tell who’s the father!” The boss collapsed!!.
A woman is surprised when her husband comes home early from his job at the deli...
"Hi, honey," she says. "Um... why are you home so early?"
"Well, babe," he replies. "I'm afraid I got fired today."
"Oh, no! What happened?" she asks sympathetically.
"Well, they caught me putting my dick in the pickle slicer so they fired me."
"WHAT?! Honey, why on Earth would you do something like that? Are you OK? Is your dick alright?"
"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. My dick's just fine," he tells her.
"Well..." she asks. "What happened to the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, they fired her too."
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