Because he was ostrich sized.
Thứ Tư, 4 tháng 8, 2021
Americans, Canadians, and a lighthouse.
A US naval ship was arguing with Canadian authorities off the coast.
Said the Americans: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.”
The Canadians responded: “Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.”
Americans: “This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.”
Canadians: “No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.”
At this point, the Americans really started to brag.
Americans: “THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS GEORGE WASHINGTON, THE LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND MANY SUPPORT VESSELS. WE DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.”
Canadians: “Guys, this a lighthouse. Your call.”
After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...
The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."
Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
And he saw that it was good.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.
Thứ Ba, 3 tháng 8, 2021
So I was having sex with my girlfriend at her parent's house and we were really getting it on with her moaning and groaning which woke up her dad. We were really in the heat of it so we never noticed when he walked upstairs and then walked in on us.
"Dad!" my girlfriend exclaimed in a panic "I...I'm sorry"
The dad being, a dad, replies "Hi sorry, I'm Dad!"
He then turns to me and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"
[NSFW] Wonder Woman is laying naked, face down, on a rooftop...
...when Superman flies by and sees her. Her naked body has him feeling all types of ways, so he starts to think, "You know, I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in and out of there before she even realizes what happened."
So, Superman flies in, does his business and takes off.
Wonder Woman says, "What was that?" The Invisible Man responds, "I don't know, but my fucking ass is killing me."
In the future, Donald Trump passes away from a heart attack.
He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil." You're on my list, but I have no room for you.
You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you.
I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Donald thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room.
In it was Barack Obama and a large pool of water. Barack kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Donald said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and it would ruin my hair. I don't think I could do that all day long."
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, this is no good; I've got his problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Donald.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Donald saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Donald looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this."
The devil smiled and said..........
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."
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