Shakespeare.
Chủ Nhật, 8 tháng 8, 2021
Barack Obama walks into a bar, but he is invisible. After attracting the bartender’s attention, the bartender says "Ok, I'll bite. Why are you invisible?"
Obama says "Well, I found a bottle on the beach and...then I rubbed it." "And then...importantly...A genie came out." "The genie said I could have...3 wishes."
For my first wish, I said "Let me say this, and this is profoundly important...I want Michelle to marry me...I love her,...and I think America will love her too." That wish was granted.
For my second wish, I said "Like all patriotic Americans, I am deeply patriotic...and I want to be President...of the United States...so I can serve my country." That wish was granted too.
And then, for my third wish, I started by saying "Let me be clear..."
A guy walks into a bar…
He sits down on the stool and orders himself a drink. He notices in front of him a glass bowl full of $100 bills. He asks the bartender what that is about.
The bartender tells him “If you put $100 in this bowl I will give you three tests. If you pass all 3 tests you get to keep all the money.”
Guy: “what are the tests?”
Bartender: “first I line up 10 shots of homemade moonshine. Then you have to go in the back ally and remove a rotten tooth from a rabid dog’s mouth. Lastly, you have to go upstairs and satisfy a woman who was never satisfied before in her life”
Guy: “I’m in.”
The bartender lines up the shots and the guy successfully takes all 10. He heads out to the back ally and closes the door behind him. All of a sudden the bartender hears barking and yelling. Then screaming and screeching. Glass shattering. Dog is squealing. All of a sudden the guy opens the door and walks back in the bar. All bloodied and clothes ripped he asks the bartender: “ok…w-w-where is the lady with the rotten tooth?”
A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...
At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.
Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.
There's never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.
Within a week's time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one. He doesn't care that he can't drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people. Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.
His last meal request is a single banana.
When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.
The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.
His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death. They ask him what he'd like for his last meal.
"A single banana," he says.
"Oh, no you don't, you son of a bitch. We're on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you're not escaping this time!" The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.
The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.
"Did you give him the banana?" demands the head guard.
"No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn't give it to him, we swear!" says one of the guards.
Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything. He was just a really bad conductor.
Jeff Bezos is informed about the passing away of a warehouse worker on a Sunday after working continuously for 12 hours leaving behind a wife and 2 young kids
“Let’s make sure his hard work and sacrifice are not wasted....”
Jeff Bezos orders his subordinates
“Find someone who can finish the remaining 2 hours of his shift”
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