FunnyStory about animals and all around the world
Funny Video about animals and all around the world! :)
Funny picture about animals and all around the world :)
Play game and comfortable :)
Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.
I listened from behind the door. The bottle landed on my sister and she said, "Truth."
"When was the last time you had an orgasm?" her friend asked.
My sister replied, "A week ago."
I burst in through the door and yelled, "I knew you were faking it last night."
The virus is momentarily taken aback by this unexpected and blatant display of bigotry, the likes of which he's only seen in history textbooks.
For a brief moment, he considers the bartender. What kind of life experiences would shape someone into such a pathetic piece of garbage? What happened to this man to instill in him such an absolute dislike of viruses? All this goes through his mind in a matter of seconds.
The virus senses an awkward silence about to fall. Purely on instinct, he responds with an attempt at humor, and says, "Well, you're not a very good host."
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter.
By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replies, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
"No way" says Joe. "Last time I came home drunk, my wife was so upset she said she would leave me if I ever get wasted again."
"Cmon" says the co-worker. "Drinks are on me" And after a little more coercing, Joe finally gives in and goes out drinking with his buddy.
They stay until the bar closes and when they start heading home, Joe pukes and gets it all over his shirt.
"Great." Joe says, "Now my wife is gonna know Ive been drinking" His buddy says "Dont worry. Just tell her I needed help getting home and that I puked on your shirt when you were holding me up" "Here, take this 10 dollars and tell her I gave that to you for dry cleaning."
Joe puts the money in his pocket and continues home. When he gets there, his wife is fuming. "Look at you. Youre drunk arent you?"
"No." He says.
"Yes you are. Look at your shirt, youre covered in puke."
Joe says, "No, no, baby, my co-worker puked on me when I was helping him get home."
"Bullshit" she says
"Look in my pocket, he gave me 10 bucks for the cleaners"
She looks in his pocket and asks "OK, why is there $20?"
"Oh, because he also shit in my pants"
A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. She was very upset.
"You are a disrespectful pig!"_ she cried. _"How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce, NOW!"
The husband calmly replied, "Hang on just a minute love. At least let me tell you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead",the wife sobbed, "but they will be the last words you say to me!"
The husband began:
"Well, as I was getting into the car at work to drive home, this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so distressed, helpless and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car."
"She was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty and told me that she hadn't eaten for three days."
"Out of compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the pizza I made for you last night that you wouldn’t eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing ate it, ravenously."
"She was dirty. I suggested she have a shower. While showering, I noticed her clothes were filthy and threadbare. I threw them away."
"I gave her the designer jeans that you’ve had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight."
"I gave her underwear, your anniversary present from me, which you don’t wear because you said I don't have good taste."
"I gave her the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas, that you don’t wear just to annoy her. I also donated those boots you bought at an expensive boutique but don’t wear because someone at work has the same pair."
The husband paused, took a quick breath and continued:
"She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, “Please sir... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”
"An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"...