As soon as you open it, you realize it’s half empty.
Thứ Ba, 17 tháng 8, 2021
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As the husband was walking to the door, the wife yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
Husband turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
My wife is an economist and I am an engineer.
I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, “Hey sweetheart, why don’t you utilize the load maximization principle and carry all the items you need in one trip, thereby minimizing total distance travelled?”
Well don’t you know, she loved my suggestion!
It used to take her 11 minutes to make her breakfast… now I do it in 5.
So a man was sued for libel and slander...
The judge asked, "What's the defendant accused of saying?"
The plaintiff's attorney replied, "He called my client an, and I quote, 'incompetent motherfucker', your honor."
The judge nodded, "And what does the defense plea?"
The defendant's attorney rose, "Not guilty as charged, your honor."
The judge looked at his papers, "So, counsel, apparently, there were thirty witnesses to the alleged statement, are you sure you're going to plead not guilty?"
The defendant's attorney nodded, "Truth is an absolute defense, your honor. We would like to call the plaintiff's mother as our first witness."
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